So am I really going to quit my job to become an author during the deepest Recession since the Great Depression? (Obama’s words, not mine).
Which of my fears are real? H1N1, 9.8% unemployment, loss of employer sponsored health coverage, never wrote a book, big mortgage… The fear feels real. Is it really real? Where does it come from? I can honestly say that I don’t have a clue where it comes from. I have always been taken care of. I live in a safe neighborhood, have always paid my bills on time, family is in great health and have already found health coverage that is identical to what I have at the university. I think you can already see that I can put my thoughts on virtual paper. So why am I freaked? I don’t know, but I am.
I went online, looking to see if I can find a way to get more people to read my blog and ran into road block after road block. I Googled: “How can I get more people to read my blog?” I followed the sages’ advice and went searching for popular websites on personal transformation and spirituality. They surprisingly seemed most unwelcoming. Was it me? James Arthur Ray was nice but was more interested in how I could take his weekend seminar than providing an email address to contact him. Wayne Dyer is coming to all cities at the same time but couldn’t find an email address for him either. Gaia.com is a great community site with a million blogs. You can create your own micro site but it would be easier to find me on blogger.com.
My fear seems real and only serves one purpose: To keep me from acting. My head is spinning with sayings: “Keep on moving don’t stop, no-o”, “The only thing you have to fear is fear itself”, “This is not the time to analyze your life”, “Is it true?”.
By the way, if I am afraid that I am not creative enough because I got mediocre marks in my audition to attend BU 21 years ago, then what about the fact that I received the 2004 Best Supporting Actor awards from Westword and the Rocky Mountain News for my portrayal of Lucky in Waiting for Godot? Which story am I going to listen to?
One last saying: “I think I can, I think I can”.
Funny, you mention that award. That role was the first thought that came into my head! Just because, I was absolutely in shock When I went to see you. I had no idea, you were that good, I mean really good!
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