This site is dedicated to an experiment. What would happen to me if I decide to reveal my mind in public for 80 days as I attempt to create a new reality? Can a moment of transformation be accelerated if nothing remains hidden and all is explored? Below are two blogs totaling an 80-day journey into my greatest fears and insecurities, visions and dreams while I strip away old notions of who I thought I was and allow for a new me to be rediscovered. Please share your thoughts on these two blogs in the comments section. If you have a similar story to tell where you had a moment when everything changed and you became clear of your life’s purpose, please email me at supermaneffect@gmail.com. I would be honored to read your story and with your permission, include it in my book, The Superman Effect: Stories of the Moment When Everything Changes.
Superman Effect- Part I
First entry: http://supermaneffect.blogspot.com/2009/10/countdown-to-superman-effect-60-days.html
Superman Effect- Part II
First Entry: http://supermaneffect2.blogspot.com/2010/01/30-days-to-new-life-monday.html
About the Author:
Dennis was born in Lajas, Puerto Rico and grew up in the Bronx, New York. At the age of 16, Dennis moved to Boston, MA to attend Boston University's College of Fine Arts, earning a degree in Acting. After graduating in 1993, Dennis moved to Kansas City, MO and completed a Master of Fine Arts degree in Acting and Directing. The decision to make security his most cherished value took over and he left acting completely to learn how to use a computer and get an office job. He spent the past 12 years in sales, management and administration, earning an MBA in International Business. Simultaneously, his existence as a successful businessman was rivaled by a second life. That of a man who was in search of transformation, spending hours in prayer and meditation, experiencing extra sensory mystical and healing experiences, spiritual communication with the dying amidst a profound inner struggle to let go of resistance. On May 17, 2009, Dennis made the decision to embark on a career as a transformational author and speaker. In 2010, Dennis started a company called Metatransformations Consulting, Inc. in which he coaches individuals and groups on the principles of manifestation and dream fulfillment through the use of creative art techniques, intuitive healing and visualization. Dennis lives with his wife and two children in Denver, Colorado.
Contact Information:
Dennis Rodriguez
Writer
Intuitive Life Coach
303-585-1232
Supermaneffect@gmail.com
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 0 days
As Yul Brinner would say in the movie The Ten Commandments: “So it shall be written, so it shall be done!”
I did it! I resigned my position at the university exactly like I wrote I would. First, I told my boss, and then at 9am I told all eight directors. Immediately following our director’s meeting, I got my assistant directors together and let them know then I got all 20 enrollment counselors and announced my departure to them. I then contacted faculty and staff members throughout the university.
I woke up this morning feeling a sense of peace and liberation. My friends in spirit were with me all night. I did not mind. They arrived to support my life changing move. As I drank my morning latte freshly prepared by yours truly, I thought about this 49 day journey. I thought about the first day when I sat down to create the blog site in less than 5 minutes. The name “The Superman Effect” had already been conceived and not much else. I had no idea what I would write about but sat and started typing. I wrote about wanting to reveal my true nature through the telling of my true story. Of a dream that was branded in my heart and of a treasure that I had found on May 17, 2009. Most importantly, I wrote about being more than what I had become and my quest for the moment when everything would change.
I did not know then what I know now: My quest would take me to the heart of all my fears and insecurities revealing perceptions that needed to be discarded if I was to truly see the real me. My quest would also take me to the recognition that there is no such thing as an ordinary life. There is no life purpose to discover outside of the inherent richness of our every day existence. I do not have to write a book or travel all over the world to impact people’s lives. I do not have to do anything other than what I am doing at this moment.
I did not plan what I would say to my co-workers. I figured shooting from the hip has worked well with this blog, I might as well give it a try today. Every reaction I witnessed today from my co-workers was absolutely beautiful and perfect. I saw confusion, tears, smiles, disappointment, love, cheers, curiosity, fear and hope. The hardest thing I did today was telling my enrollment counselors. I have so much respect and admiration for what they go through and I relate more to them as individuals then I do the management team. I started as and will always be one of them. I will miss them more than they will ever know and thank them for teaching me so much. They are the true light of the university.
Before I close my last blog entry, I want to tell you what I want:
I want to see fear eradicated from this planet.
From today:
“You know D, I have always looked up to you. I have always felt drawn to your spirit of hope and willingness to be vulnerable. Your understanding of my insecurities and fears always made me feel like you knew exactly how I felt.
Words can’t express how much I value you. You changed my life by simply waiting for me to fly home. I never, ever, believed I was smart enough to go to grad school and fulfill my lifelong dream. Not only am I smart enough, I’m actually good at it. Thank you. You will have a part in every [counseling]client I help.
I already feel a void in my heart knowing you won’t be here. I feel as if a part of me is leaving too. You infused more into this department than numbers and spreadsheets. Far more than enrollments and goals. Your spirit was here. Your unconditional acceptance and family values will be sorely missed. You are the light of the department.
My sadness is selfish. I am truly and profoundly happy for you. I am in awe of your bravery and will be honored to read your many books. You know Wayne is my boyfriend so please get his autograph for me. Please stay in my life.
“Dennis,
wow! wOW! WOW! Do you feel like you’re flying?
"A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided."- Tony Robbins
Action you have taken!
"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."
Joseph Campbell
Your Berlin Wall is down, now you can soar on to your bliss!
Congratulations! “
“Dennis,
Just heard the news! I’m so happy for you and very sad for us. I knew we couldn’t keep you forever. Just want to wish you all the luck in the world, I know you’ll do a outstanding job just like you did for us. I feel so fortunate to have been able to work with you. Wishing you and your family a Very Merry Christmas!”
Reality and Illusion- Poem from the The Nag Hammadi Scriptures
What am I telling you?
All at once the living die.
How do they live in illusion?
The rich become poor,
Kings are overthrown,
Everything changes.
The world is illusion.
Let me not speak so negatively.
The resurrection is different.
It is real,
It stands firm.
It is revelation of what is,
A transformation of things,
A transition into newness.
Incorruptibility flows over corruption,
Light flows over darkness, swallowing it,
Fullness fills what it lacks.
These are symbols and images of resurrection.
This brings goodness.
Coming January 11, 2010!
The Superman Effect- Part II
Link to "30 Days To A New Life"
First Entry: http://supermaneffect2.blogspot.com/2010/01/30-days-to-new-life-monday.html
I did it! I resigned my position at the university exactly like I wrote I would. First, I told my boss, and then at 9am I told all eight directors. Immediately following our director’s meeting, I got my assistant directors together and let them know then I got all 20 enrollment counselors and announced my departure to them. I then contacted faculty and staff members throughout the university.
I woke up this morning feeling a sense of peace and liberation. My friends in spirit were with me all night. I did not mind. They arrived to support my life changing move. As I drank my morning latte freshly prepared by yours truly, I thought about this 49 day journey. I thought about the first day when I sat down to create the blog site in less than 5 minutes. The name “The Superman Effect” had already been conceived and not much else. I had no idea what I would write about but sat and started typing. I wrote about wanting to reveal my true nature through the telling of my true story. Of a dream that was branded in my heart and of a treasure that I had found on May 17, 2009. Most importantly, I wrote about being more than what I had become and my quest for the moment when everything would change.
I did not know then what I know now: My quest would take me to the heart of all my fears and insecurities revealing perceptions that needed to be discarded if I was to truly see the real me. My quest would also take me to the recognition that there is no such thing as an ordinary life. There is no life purpose to discover outside of the inherent richness of our every day existence. I do not have to write a book or travel all over the world to impact people’s lives. I do not have to do anything other than what I am doing at this moment.
I did not plan what I would say to my co-workers. I figured shooting from the hip has worked well with this blog, I might as well give it a try today. Every reaction I witnessed today from my co-workers was absolutely beautiful and perfect. I saw confusion, tears, smiles, disappointment, love, cheers, curiosity, fear and hope. The hardest thing I did today was telling my enrollment counselors. I have so much respect and admiration for what they go through and I relate more to them as individuals then I do the management team. I started as and will always be one of them. I will miss them more than they will ever know and thank them for teaching me so much. They are the true light of the university.
Before I close my last blog entry, I want to tell you what I want:
I want to see fear eradicated from this planet.
From today:
“You know D, I have always looked up to you. I have always felt drawn to your spirit of hope and willingness to be vulnerable. Your understanding of my insecurities and fears always made me feel like you knew exactly how I felt.
Words can’t express how much I value you. You changed my life by simply waiting for me to fly home. I never, ever, believed I was smart enough to go to grad school and fulfill my lifelong dream. Not only am I smart enough, I’m actually good at it. Thank you. You will have a part in every [counseling]client I help.
I already feel a void in my heart knowing you won’t be here. I feel as if a part of me is leaving too. You infused more into this department than numbers and spreadsheets. Far more than enrollments and goals. Your spirit was here. Your unconditional acceptance and family values will be sorely missed. You are the light of the department.
My sadness is selfish. I am truly and profoundly happy for you. I am in awe of your bravery and will be honored to read your many books. You know Wayne is my boyfriend so please get his autograph for me. Please stay in my life.
“Dennis,
wow! wOW! WOW! Do you feel like you’re flying?
"A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided."- Tony Robbins
Action you have taken!
"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."
Joseph Campbell
Your Berlin Wall is down, now you can soar on to your bliss!
Congratulations! “
“Dennis,
Just heard the news! I’m so happy for you and very sad for us. I knew we couldn’t keep you forever. Just want to wish you all the luck in the world, I know you’ll do a outstanding job just like you did for us. I feel so fortunate to have been able to work with you. Wishing you and your family a Very Merry Christmas!”
Reality and Illusion- Poem from the The Nag Hammadi Scriptures
What am I telling you?
All at once the living die.
How do they live in illusion?
The rich become poor,
Kings are overthrown,
Everything changes.
The world is illusion.
Let me not speak so negatively.
The resurrection is different.
It is real,
It stands firm.
It is revelation of what is,
A transformation of things,
A transition into newness.
Incorruptibility flows over corruption,
Light flows over darkness, swallowing it,
Fullness fills what it lacks.
These are symbols and images of resurrection.
This brings goodness.
Coming January 11, 2010!
The Superman Effect- Part II
Link to "30 Days To A New Life"
First Entry: http://supermaneffect2.blogspot.com/2010/01/30-days-to-new-life-monday.html
Monday, December 7, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 1 day
You read it right. Not 13 days but 1 day till resignation day. I have heard the phrase “God’s delays are not God’s denials” when referencing our wishes not coming to pass fast enough.
What about when God decides to accelerate the moment when everything changes in our lives? I no longer know what I am waiting for. Nothing is keeping me from resigning and after all this time together, something tells me to just act. Now. Take the leap of faith and keep flying.
I am going to do it. I will resign my management position tomorrow December 8, 2009 and begin my writing career. It will all work out. At this moment I have a sense of clarity that I have not felt before. The money will come from where it is at. The help will arrive at just the right time. The universe is conspiring to help make my wishes come true. I will have the freedom to write anywhere. I will travel to Italy with my family. I will continue to believe that anything is possible and that fear has no place in a life full of hope and promise. I will continue my healing work and connecting with spirit. I will dream of a time when all of us act in spite of doubts, when all of us realize the gift of the present moment.
This is the treasure I have found: The moment is always here. There is nothing to get to or to wait for. It is right here for the taking. The greatest treasure in the world is your very existence. Choose to believe this fact and it will transform your life.
Resigning tomorrow will be the hardest thing I have ever done. First, I will tell my boss, and then at 9am I will tell all eight directors. Immediately following our director’s meeting, I will be get my assistant directors and let them know and then I will get all 20 enrollment counselors and announce my departure to them. I will then be contacting faculty and staff members throughout the university. I’m working on health insurance coverage. Working on supplementing my income with international sales opportunities. Working on meeting Ram Dass and Wayne Dyer! None of this really matters. The moment is here and a new life begins.
I have not decided if I should continue this blog after tomorrow or wait and have you read what happened after resignation day in my first book. Either way, I would like to hear from all of you. Please comment on this blog and let me read your mind!
What about when God decides to accelerate the moment when everything changes in our lives? I no longer know what I am waiting for. Nothing is keeping me from resigning and after all this time together, something tells me to just act. Now. Take the leap of faith and keep flying.
I am going to do it. I will resign my management position tomorrow December 8, 2009 and begin my writing career. It will all work out. At this moment I have a sense of clarity that I have not felt before. The money will come from where it is at. The help will arrive at just the right time. The universe is conspiring to help make my wishes come true. I will have the freedom to write anywhere. I will travel to Italy with my family. I will continue to believe that anything is possible and that fear has no place in a life full of hope and promise. I will continue my healing work and connecting with spirit. I will dream of a time when all of us act in spite of doubts, when all of us realize the gift of the present moment.
This is the treasure I have found: The moment is always here. There is nothing to get to or to wait for. It is right here for the taking. The greatest treasure in the world is your very existence. Choose to believe this fact and it will transform your life.
Resigning tomorrow will be the hardest thing I have ever done. First, I will tell my boss, and then at 9am I will tell all eight directors. Immediately following our director’s meeting, I will be get my assistant directors and let them know and then I will get all 20 enrollment counselors and announce my departure to them. I will then be contacting faculty and staff members throughout the university. I’m working on health insurance coverage. Working on supplementing my income with international sales opportunities. Working on meeting Ram Dass and Wayne Dyer! None of this really matters. The moment is here and a new life begins.
I have not decided if I should continue this blog after tomorrow or wait and have you read what happened after resignation day in my first book. Either way, I would like to hear from all of you. Please comment on this blog and let me read your mind!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 14 days
As expected, today is a better day. I slept in till 8:45am which is a real treat with two children. Thank you to my wife. They still waited for daddy’s pancakes. "Sorry for the delay." I enjoyed making them and I dare say, they were well worth the wait. Sometimes all we need is extra sleep to clear out the junk in our minds. There is so much clearing happening while we dream, even if we do not remember when we awake. When we do remember our dreams, there is a profound sense that we need to pay attention to what they are trying to tell us. Two recent dreams come to mind: One is with my father long deceased and one is with my buddy Wayne Dyer.
Before I go into the dreams, I realize that I have never explained the reason why I do not reference anyone I know by name. (I don’t know my buddy Wayne, yet!) I do this intentionally to give a dream quality to my writing. It is said that we are every character in our dreams. Each character is an aspect of ourselves that when integrated, make up our whole. The way I view everyone I come in contact with, is a direct reflection of how I view myself. When someone comes across as arrogant and pushes my buttons, it is my own arrogance that I should look at. When I find another person inspiring, there is a resonance with my own inspiring nature. Their names are not relevant. It is their qualities and the principles they represent that teach us about ourselves. So if I know you, I have not used your personal name. If I don’t know you (i.e. Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, Ram Dass, Oprah Winfrey), I’d like to someday! Thanks for teaching me so much.
Now back to my dreams. In one dream I had about 5 months ago, my wife and I were looking at houses and we came across the perfect one. Typically I leave all aesthetic appreciation and decisions to my wife and am happy if she is happy but this time, even I loved the look and feel. It had a spacious kitchen with so much natural light coming from the windows. There was a den with a wall to wall book shelf that required a ladder to get to all the books. My dream! Everything seemed so pristine and welcoming. It was to be our new home. We left the house thinking, “this is the one!” As we were walking out of the house, I noticed three women dressed in black standing next to the house looking at me. I turned around and they continued to stare and whisper to themselves. Finally, I decided to confront them and say: “is there something you’d like to ask me?” (I’m a direct New Yorker even in my dreams!) The youngest of the three began to speak: “We have a message from Chany” That is my deceased father’s nickname. It comes from his middle name Luciano (like Lucky the gangster). Yes, I broke my own rule. I figure since I am already writing about a dream, I might as well use his nickname. It’s all weird.
Before I could say anything, I had a sense someone was standing right behind me, and it was not my wife. It was a 25 year old version of my dad. I immediately noticed that his appearance reminded me of pictures I had seen when my dad was in the Job Corp. I was aware that my dad was the same age as the time I came into this world. He motioned me to join him on a bench that just appeared. We did not speak. We just looked at each other and I felt all tension leave my body. It was a time to rest and to bask in the knowledge that he was with me as I construct my new life. I felt peaceful, as if I was transported to heaven. I did ask him one question.“How do you feel about mom?” It was an odd way to pose the question but that is what I asked. He then burst out into laughter. “Are you kidding me? She’s the one that took a pillow to my head and put me out of my misery!”
I knew what he meant so please take a moment if your mouth is wide open and let me explain. I did not nor do I think that my mom took the law into her own hands like the assassin to Hyman Roth in Godfather II. That is not what he meant. What he meant and what I immediately knew was that in spirit she had helped him transition from this life to the next. Through prayers and just her mere presence, she played a similar role in his life as I have in the lives of those I have written about. I did find his words hilarious and it snapped me out of my dream with laughter of my own. The laughter was outlasted by feeling joy that my father had visited me and that he is with me as much now as he was 15 years ago.
The second dream was about two months ago and it was one of those dreams where you spend what seems to be hours hanging out with someone. This someone was Wayne Dyer and the place was The Tattered Cover Bookstore in Denver. These mere facts are full of symbolism: Books that I read, books that we’ll write, with a teacher that I respect. He was showing me around the bookstore pointing out certain topics that interested him: Science, religion, philosophy, psychology, art and literature.
“You know Dennis, those that wrote these books were not concerned about whether they were having original thoughts. They were writing because someone out there would benefit from reading their books at just the right time. Don’t get caught up into thinking you must create everything from scratch. Your life experience is what you have to work from and that includes books you’ve read and lectures you’ve attended. Just write and get out of the way. I’ve got to go. You should visit me at my home.”
“Where do you live?” I asked
“I live in Interlocken.”
I woke up with a huge smile on my face. I hung out with Wayne Dyer! Well, I’ve confirmed that he does not have a home in Interlocken, Colorado. The connection I made however was very helpful. Interlocken is where the counseling labs are located at the university I work at. I realized then that I needed to study my mind a bit more closely. After I started this blog, I began an exploration of the way I think as part of discovering how to manifest my dreams. If you have read past entries then you know I have not held back in revealing my mind.
Yet another Superman movie reference: Just like Lois Lane mused while flying with Superman above the clouds: “Can you read my mind?” I have asked you to do the same. This is my intent, for you to read my mind as I progress to Resignation Day in the hopes that it will inspire you to break through the fetters of fear and follow your dreams. Two weeks to go.
Before I go into the dreams, I realize that I have never explained the reason why I do not reference anyone I know by name. (I don’t know my buddy Wayne, yet!) I do this intentionally to give a dream quality to my writing. It is said that we are every character in our dreams. Each character is an aspect of ourselves that when integrated, make up our whole. The way I view everyone I come in contact with, is a direct reflection of how I view myself. When someone comes across as arrogant and pushes my buttons, it is my own arrogance that I should look at. When I find another person inspiring, there is a resonance with my own inspiring nature. Their names are not relevant. It is their qualities and the principles they represent that teach us about ourselves. So if I know you, I have not used your personal name. If I don’t know you (i.e. Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, Ram Dass, Oprah Winfrey), I’d like to someday! Thanks for teaching me so much.
Now back to my dreams. In one dream I had about 5 months ago, my wife and I were looking at houses and we came across the perfect one. Typically I leave all aesthetic appreciation and decisions to my wife and am happy if she is happy but this time, even I loved the look and feel. It had a spacious kitchen with so much natural light coming from the windows. There was a den with a wall to wall book shelf that required a ladder to get to all the books. My dream! Everything seemed so pristine and welcoming. It was to be our new home. We left the house thinking, “this is the one!” As we were walking out of the house, I noticed three women dressed in black standing next to the house looking at me. I turned around and they continued to stare and whisper to themselves. Finally, I decided to confront them and say: “is there something you’d like to ask me?” (I’m a direct New Yorker even in my dreams!) The youngest of the three began to speak: “We have a message from Chany” That is my deceased father’s nickname. It comes from his middle name Luciano (like Lucky the gangster). Yes, I broke my own rule. I figure since I am already writing about a dream, I might as well use his nickname. It’s all weird.
Before I could say anything, I had a sense someone was standing right behind me, and it was not my wife. It was a 25 year old version of my dad. I immediately noticed that his appearance reminded me of pictures I had seen when my dad was in the Job Corp. I was aware that my dad was the same age as the time I came into this world. He motioned me to join him on a bench that just appeared. We did not speak. We just looked at each other and I felt all tension leave my body. It was a time to rest and to bask in the knowledge that he was with me as I construct my new life. I felt peaceful, as if I was transported to heaven. I did ask him one question.“How do you feel about mom?” It was an odd way to pose the question but that is what I asked. He then burst out into laughter. “Are you kidding me? She’s the one that took a pillow to my head and put me out of my misery!”
I knew what he meant so please take a moment if your mouth is wide open and let me explain. I did not nor do I think that my mom took the law into her own hands like the assassin to Hyman Roth in Godfather II. That is not what he meant. What he meant and what I immediately knew was that in spirit she had helped him transition from this life to the next. Through prayers and just her mere presence, she played a similar role in his life as I have in the lives of those I have written about. I did find his words hilarious and it snapped me out of my dream with laughter of my own. The laughter was outlasted by feeling joy that my father had visited me and that he is with me as much now as he was 15 years ago.
The second dream was about two months ago and it was one of those dreams where you spend what seems to be hours hanging out with someone. This someone was Wayne Dyer and the place was The Tattered Cover Bookstore in Denver. These mere facts are full of symbolism: Books that I read, books that we’ll write, with a teacher that I respect. He was showing me around the bookstore pointing out certain topics that interested him: Science, religion, philosophy, psychology, art and literature.
“You know Dennis, those that wrote these books were not concerned about whether they were having original thoughts. They were writing because someone out there would benefit from reading their books at just the right time. Don’t get caught up into thinking you must create everything from scratch. Your life experience is what you have to work from and that includes books you’ve read and lectures you’ve attended. Just write and get out of the way. I’ve got to go. You should visit me at my home.”
“Where do you live?” I asked
“I live in Interlocken.”
I woke up with a huge smile on my face. I hung out with Wayne Dyer! Well, I’ve confirmed that he does not have a home in Interlocken, Colorado. The connection I made however was very helpful. Interlocken is where the counseling labs are located at the university I work at. I realized then that I needed to study my mind a bit more closely. After I started this blog, I began an exploration of the way I think as part of discovering how to manifest my dreams. If you have read past entries then you know I have not held back in revealing my mind.
Yet another Superman movie reference: Just like Lois Lane mused while flying with Superman above the clouds: “Can you read my mind?” I have asked you to do the same. This is my intent, for you to read my mind as I progress to Resignation Day in the hopes that it will inspire you to break through the fetters of fear and follow your dreams. Two weeks to go.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 15 days
When slowing down your thoughts are not enough to appreciate what’s important, then try stopping them all together.
There are some days when it’s just not productive to analyze your life. You don’t see the glass as having anything in it and everything seems like a struggle. All of your fears rush to the surface like a pot of boiling oatmeal overflowing and spilling everywhere. The best choice is to run and turn off the heat. Today was one of those days.
I find that it is has little to do with my reality and it simply has to do with the physiological or psychological state I am in. Sometimes it’s because I had too much sugar the night before or not enough sleep. Sometimes it’s because I am not hydrated enough or have taken too much of an herbal supplement and am detoxifying too fast.
We make the mistake of thinking that these negative thoughts are a real reflection of what is going on. They are far from real and I find the best thing to do is get off the train. I tell myself: I am not going to entertain these thoughts and add fuel. The snowball effect can lead to actions you normally would not take in support of this negative thinking.
If I followed all my thoughts today, I would call this whole thing off and stay at the university. So I have a choice: I could believe these irrational thoughts disguised as logical conclusions or I could call a time out and walk away from them. I choose to walk away, to turn off the burners, to get off the thinking train.
I have a friend who wants me to focus primarily on the positive in this blog. I told him that my intent is to show everyone “a process” for dream manifestation. This includes the good, the bad and the ugly. I could sit here and tell you that all you have to do is believe, receive and achieve but I don’t think that is what you experience as enough when you face your fears and dare to dream. This is not an easy process and if I am going to be as honest and truthful as I could be, I have to also share the dark days with you all.
Tomorrow will be a better day, I believe.
There are some days when it’s just not productive to analyze your life. You don’t see the glass as having anything in it and everything seems like a struggle. All of your fears rush to the surface like a pot of boiling oatmeal overflowing and spilling everywhere. The best choice is to run and turn off the heat. Today was one of those days.
I find that it is has little to do with my reality and it simply has to do with the physiological or psychological state I am in. Sometimes it’s because I had too much sugar the night before or not enough sleep. Sometimes it’s because I am not hydrated enough or have taken too much of an herbal supplement and am detoxifying too fast.
We make the mistake of thinking that these negative thoughts are a real reflection of what is going on. They are far from real and I find the best thing to do is get off the train. I tell myself: I am not going to entertain these thoughts and add fuel. The snowball effect can lead to actions you normally would not take in support of this negative thinking.
If I followed all my thoughts today, I would call this whole thing off and stay at the university. So I have a choice: I could believe these irrational thoughts disguised as logical conclusions or I could call a time out and walk away from them. I choose to walk away, to turn off the burners, to get off the thinking train.
I have a friend who wants me to focus primarily on the positive in this blog. I told him that my intent is to show everyone “a process” for dream manifestation. This includes the good, the bad and the ugly. I could sit here and tell you that all you have to do is believe, receive and achieve but I don’t think that is what you experience as enough when you face your fears and dare to dream. This is not an easy process and if I am going to be as honest and truthful as I could be, I have to also share the dark days with you all.
Tomorrow will be a better day, I believe.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 16 days
I needed a day off and I took it. My wife and I got overnight babysitting and decided to go up to Boulder and meet up with some friends and spent the night just the two of us at a "fancy" hotel. I did check my work email a bit too much in the morning. I did it while she went through every lane at Target looking for Christmas gifts. I couldn’t help myself. I still feel guilty when I leave work knowing others have to pick up the slack while I’m gone. Or is it that I must be in the know? I find myself thinking way too much about work issues. I don’t yet know how to disengage from a job that I have held for so many years. It will be unsettling to watch others make the decisions I would normally make but it is best for everyone that I learn to let go. It is so difficult for me to slow down at work and it all starts with the speed of my thinking.
Most of my decisions are made in an impulsive fashion, mainly because I have made most of my decisions before. When you work at a job that is cyclical (having a start term every 5-8 weeks), you tend to come across similar challenges and thus have a reference point in making decisions. I don’t waste any time and need to keep on moving. The drawback is that this quick thinking and rhythm can cause tension in the body, energy depletion as well as stifle creativity and freedom. Learning to slow down my thinking is essential to cultivating intuition.
When I was in graduate school studying to be an actor, I was teaching Oral Interpretation of Literature. I had a student with a pronounced stuttering problem and I was unsure whether I could help him. The assignment was William Shakespeare’s Sonnet #18:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
It was quickly apparent that this student was not able to get through the first sentence without stuttering and was getting frustrated in front of the class. I have no experience in Speech Pathology so consciously I had no idea how to help him. I decided to listen to my intuition and try some "out of the box" coaching. Something told me that his speech impediment was stemming from the speed of his thinking and a connection to his breathing pattern.
“I’m going to ask you to connect each word with an image in your mind. Don’t tell me what the image is just let it come to mind and sit with it. Let’s take the word “shall”. When you have the image clear in your mind, take a deep breath and exhale saying “shall”. He did. “Now let’s do the same with the word “I”. “What does “I” mean to you? Now take a deep breath and exhale saying “I”. No problem. We went on in similar fashion with every word in the first sentence. “Shall”, “I”, ‘Compare”, “thee”, “to”, “a”, “summer's”, “day”. Then we stringed the sentence together in one breath. No stuttering! The class applauded. His eyes lit up.
“We are going to spend the rest of the class slowing down your thinking and breathing, drinking in each word with the meaning that resonates with you. With your experiences.” At the end of the class, he went through the whole Sonnet without stuttering once. He had never done that before and it brought tears to this 18 year-old’s eyes.
Being conscious of our breathing patterns as we move from thought to thought is a great way to allow room for intuition to enter. The simple act of breath awareness slows our thinking and it is in the space between thoughts that higher wisdom reveals itself to us. Suddenly a thought appears that just “feels” right. It has no tension or fear associated with it. It comes from a deeper place. Some have called this place “the gut” and you possess a sense of certainty that there is truth behind the thought.
I have found that asking myself throughout the day “how am I breathing?” automatically changes my rhythm. It is the same principle found in Quantum Physics: The act of observation, changes that which is being observed.
You don’t have to force a slowing down process, just become aware of the breath. Your body knows what to do next.
If you cannot think of one magic moment that happened today in which you connected with another human being, then you might be breathing, moving and thinking too fast. Not to worry though. You can always slow down before going to bed or when taking the dog for a walk. Noticing after the fact is the next best thing. The moment is waiting for us to catch up to it or we just need to slow down enough to let it catch up with us.
I’d like to end with a great story about the moment everything changed for Helen Keller who was deaf and blind. Can you notice how much she slows down her thinking and makes room for the experience of happiness?
“Miss Fuller’s method was this: she passed my hand lightly over her face, and let me feel the position of her tongue and lips when she made a sound. I was eager to imitate every motion and in an hour had learned six elements of speech: M,P,A,S,T,I. Miss Fuller gave me eleven lessons in all. I shall never forget the surprise and delight I felt when I uttered my first connected sentence, “It is warm.” True, they were broken and stammering syllabus; but they were human speech. My soul, conscious of new strength, came out of bondage, and was reaching through those broken symbols of speech to all knowledge and all faith. No deaf child who has earnestly tried to speak the words which he has never heard- to come out of the prison of silence, no tone of love, no song of bird, no strain of music ever pierces the stillness- can forget the thrill of surprise, the joy of discovery which came over him when he uttered his first word. Only such a one can appreciate the eagerness with which I talked to my toys, to stones, trees, birds and dumb animals, or the delight I felt when at my call, Mildred ran to me or my dogs obeyed my commands. It is an unspeakable boon to me to be able to speak in winged words that need no interpretation. As I talked, happy thoughts fluttered up out of my words that might perhaps have struggled in vain to escape my fingers.”- From “The Story of my Life” by Helen Keller- Bantam Dell
Most of my decisions are made in an impulsive fashion, mainly because I have made most of my decisions before. When you work at a job that is cyclical (having a start term every 5-8 weeks), you tend to come across similar challenges and thus have a reference point in making decisions. I don’t waste any time and need to keep on moving. The drawback is that this quick thinking and rhythm can cause tension in the body, energy depletion as well as stifle creativity and freedom. Learning to slow down my thinking is essential to cultivating intuition.
When I was in graduate school studying to be an actor, I was teaching Oral Interpretation of Literature. I had a student with a pronounced stuttering problem and I was unsure whether I could help him. The assignment was William Shakespeare’s Sonnet #18:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
It was quickly apparent that this student was not able to get through the first sentence without stuttering and was getting frustrated in front of the class. I have no experience in Speech Pathology so consciously I had no idea how to help him. I decided to listen to my intuition and try some "out of the box" coaching. Something told me that his speech impediment was stemming from the speed of his thinking and a connection to his breathing pattern.
“I’m going to ask you to connect each word with an image in your mind. Don’t tell me what the image is just let it come to mind and sit with it. Let’s take the word “shall”. When you have the image clear in your mind, take a deep breath and exhale saying “shall”. He did. “Now let’s do the same with the word “I”. “What does “I” mean to you? Now take a deep breath and exhale saying “I”. No problem. We went on in similar fashion with every word in the first sentence. “Shall”, “I”, ‘Compare”, “thee”, “to”, “a”, “summer's”, “day”. Then we stringed the sentence together in one breath. No stuttering! The class applauded. His eyes lit up.
“We are going to spend the rest of the class slowing down your thinking and breathing, drinking in each word with the meaning that resonates with you. With your experiences.” At the end of the class, he went through the whole Sonnet without stuttering once. He had never done that before and it brought tears to this 18 year-old’s eyes.
Being conscious of our breathing patterns as we move from thought to thought is a great way to allow room for intuition to enter. The simple act of breath awareness slows our thinking and it is in the space between thoughts that higher wisdom reveals itself to us. Suddenly a thought appears that just “feels” right. It has no tension or fear associated with it. It comes from a deeper place. Some have called this place “the gut” and you possess a sense of certainty that there is truth behind the thought.
I have found that asking myself throughout the day “how am I breathing?” automatically changes my rhythm. It is the same principle found in Quantum Physics: The act of observation, changes that which is being observed.
You don’t have to force a slowing down process, just become aware of the breath. Your body knows what to do next.
If you cannot think of one magic moment that happened today in which you connected with another human being, then you might be breathing, moving and thinking too fast. Not to worry though. You can always slow down before going to bed or when taking the dog for a walk. Noticing after the fact is the next best thing. The moment is waiting for us to catch up to it or we just need to slow down enough to let it catch up with us.
I’d like to end with a great story about the moment everything changed for Helen Keller who was deaf and blind. Can you notice how much she slows down her thinking and makes room for the experience of happiness?
“Miss Fuller’s method was this: she passed my hand lightly over her face, and let me feel the position of her tongue and lips when she made a sound. I was eager to imitate every motion and in an hour had learned six elements of speech: M,P,A,S,T,I. Miss Fuller gave me eleven lessons in all. I shall never forget the surprise and delight I felt when I uttered my first connected sentence, “It is warm.” True, they were broken and stammering syllabus; but they were human speech. My soul, conscious of new strength, came out of bondage, and was reaching through those broken symbols of speech to all knowledge and all faith. No deaf child who has earnestly tried to speak the words which he has never heard- to come out of the prison of silence, no tone of love, no song of bird, no strain of music ever pierces the stillness- can forget the thrill of surprise, the joy of discovery which came over him when he uttered his first word. Only such a one can appreciate the eagerness with which I talked to my toys, to stones, trees, birds and dumb animals, or the delight I felt when at my call, Mildred ran to me or my dogs obeyed my commands. It is an unspeakable boon to me to be able to speak in winged words that need no interpretation. As I talked, happy thoughts fluttered up out of my words that might perhaps have struggled in vain to escape my fingers.”- From “The Story of my Life” by Helen Keller- Bantam Dell
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 17 days
Can you do anything to prepare for the moment when everything changes?
My favorite part of being an actor was spending hours perfecting a complex movement. The mind and body was engaged, practicing in slow motion its mechanics so that my body would learn consciously every necessary step. A cue from the outside would initiate the movement and then an internal firing of neurons and muscle contractions would carry out it execution. Practice begins sloppy and general. Practice ends crisp and specific. There was a triangular marriage between the emotional, mental and the physical. You did not know which would come first. Are you aware of feeling and then moving or of moving and then feeling? When the mind and body act simultaneously, there is a deep impression on whole body memory. Once this re-wiring or conditioning takes place, the movement becomes second nature and can be perceived as instinctual. You feel like you are moved rather than doing the moving. When movement is learned at this level, then it becomes effortless and spontaneous.
So much preparation is necessary to create an effortless moment. This process of preparation applies to artists as well as scientist. A writer spends their life reading, experiencing, contemplating and experimenting before they are ready to effortlessly write. A scientist spends their life reading, experiencing, contemplating and experimenting before they are ready to prove a hypothesis. The process is the same. We are preparing for the moment all the time. The stuff of our life is our preparation. As Ram Dass likes to say when quoting Gandhi: “Our life is our message”.
I have spent my life reading books on personal transformation, experiencing the subtleties of energy flow, contemplating the stars and universal thoughts, and experimenting with roles, masks, and keys to unlock doors of happiness, wondering is there something more. Nothing is in vain. All has been a preparation for the free flowing nature of the moment.
I have also spent most of my life believing that I am on the wrong track, not doing what I “should” be doing. I now realize that every moment I have lived was a preparation for this moment. None of it was a mistake. The moments of complete boredom, fury, depression, and disappointments all initiated internal processes that have brought me to my current state of balance and flow not possible without the experience of past discomfort.
I just got back from a professional networking event at a Sushi restaurant where 300+ Hispanics mingled and schmoozed to sushi and drinks. I was in my element, effortlessly working the room and charming the attendees into getting information about going back to school for an MBA. Eight years at the university doing what I do, day in and day out made the night effortless. I did not have to construct a plan on how to network. Life was my training manual. Eight years ago my networking skills were sloppy and general, now they are crisp and specific. I am finding that I can move from a place of least effort regardless of whether I work at the university or write. That’s a huge shift.
So if you ever find yourself asking “what can I do that is unique and special?” Just look at the stuff of your everyday life. You have already done all the preparation to live out this moment. There is nothing else you need to do.
“This above all, to your own self be true”- William Shakespeare
My favorite part of being an actor was spending hours perfecting a complex movement. The mind and body was engaged, practicing in slow motion its mechanics so that my body would learn consciously every necessary step. A cue from the outside would initiate the movement and then an internal firing of neurons and muscle contractions would carry out it execution. Practice begins sloppy and general. Practice ends crisp and specific. There was a triangular marriage between the emotional, mental and the physical. You did not know which would come first. Are you aware of feeling and then moving or of moving and then feeling? When the mind and body act simultaneously, there is a deep impression on whole body memory. Once this re-wiring or conditioning takes place, the movement becomes second nature and can be perceived as instinctual. You feel like you are moved rather than doing the moving. When movement is learned at this level, then it becomes effortless and spontaneous.
So much preparation is necessary to create an effortless moment. This process of preparation applies to artists as well as scientist. A writer spends their life reading, experiencing, contemplating and experimenting before they are ready to effortlessly write. A scientist spends their life reading, experiencing, contemplating and experimenting before they are ready to prove a hypothesis. The process is the same. We are preparing for the moment all the time. The stuff of our life is our preparation. As Ram Dass likes to say when quoting Gandhi: “Our life is our message”.
I have spent my life reading books on personal transformation, experiencing the subtleties of energy flow, contemplating the stars and universal thoughts, and experimenting with roles, masks, and keys to unlock doors of happiness, wondering is there something more. Nothing is in vain. All has been a preparation for the free flowing nature of the moment.
I have also spent most of my life believing that I am on the wrong track, not doing what I “should” be doing. I now realize that every moment I have lived was a preparation for this moment. None of it was a mistake. The moments of complete boredom, fury, depression, and disappointments all initiated internal processes that have brought me to my current state of balance and flow not possible without the experience of past discomfort.
I just got back from a professional networking event at a Sushi restaurant where 300+ Hispanics mingled and schmoozed to sushi and drinks. I was in my element, effortlessly working the room and charming the attendees into getting information about going back to school for an MBA. Eight years at the university doing what I do, day in and day out made the night effortless. I did not have to construct a plan on how to network. Life was my training manual. Eight years ago my networking skills were sloppy and general, now they are crisp and specific. I am finding that I can move from a place of least effort regardless of whether I work at the university or write. That’s a huge shift.
So if you ever find yourself asking “what can I do that is unique and special?” Just look at the stuff of your everyday life. You have already done all the preparation to live out this moment. There is nothing else you need to do.
“This above all, to your own self be true”- William Shakespeare
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 18 days
Do you believe in angels? Are there forces working behind the scenes to help us get what we need to live a more purpose-filled life? 18 days before resignation day I have a strong sense that forces are working over-time to help me manifest my dreams. These forces include deceased loved ones, angels, shamans and guides. I know none of this can be proven nor do I feel like I consciously need to know. The key is to stay open to the extra-ordinary in seemingly ordinary moments. I believe this is what it means to be on the conscious path; noticing, becoming aware, being awakened. I am noticing more and more when energy shifts in a room, or when a call for assistance that sounds to most like a normal request is actually a cry for help. Such a call came from a co-worker today.
The 42 year old man who has three daughters and was in an intensive care unit a few weeks ago was just sent home to die. My daughter has been including him in her nightly prayers for two years now (every day-without exception) and it seems like this last battle will bring him home. I will be spending time connecting with his higher self in the days to come and I know he is ready. Is his family ready? I have only met him twice in the past two years. The first time was when I received the request to join a prayer group for him when he was first diagnosed. He had a very healthy lifestyle and was a loving father and husband. He had a strong faith and did not take life too seriously. So why did he develop cancer? It made no sense. As soon as I saw the email request from his aunt, my co-worker, I immediately said yes. I have never joined a prayer group before and I did not know this man but that did not matter. I was being moved by unseen forces. The weekly prayers in front of a grotto at the university lasted months. This is when my eldest daughter began to regularly say at bedtime: “God, please help him get better and let me have great dreams and great thoughts. Amen.”
The second time was at a wedding a year later. He had gone into remission and was doing great. We spoke of the power of positive thinking to overcome impossible odds. He is a model for all fathers. A few weeks ago I heard he had been hospitalized with multiple blood clots and an extremely low white blood cell count. While I was in my nine day period of prayer, it was made clear that his time had not yet come. The prayers for the dying were not for him. Now I am being told that the two year battle with cancer may be coming to an end. I promised my co-worker that I will spend time in his honor. I don’t know if his three daughters will have their daddy for the holidays.
I know at times it is easier to believe that events in our lives are random and there is no order to them. This helps us deal with tragedies and uncertainties in life. I choose to believe that there is an appointed time for everything. Just like our bodies have a perfect wisdom and timing for breathing, digestion, blood flow, healing and a host of other visceral functions, we live in a universe that if observed from a wide enough prospective, reveals an intricate order. This order is designed to bring balance to the whole. To the naked eye, it seems unfair, incomplete, tragic and chaotic. If you want a glimpse of this order, first believe that it exists.
Recently I saw an independent film called Ink. It is about good and evil forces infiltrating our sleep to change the trajectory of our lives. Sounds like a winner, I know. Truly, it is a good film that illustrates these unseen forces I write about. A scene in the movie is worth the price of admission. It depicts a spirit whose sole purpose is to alter the rhythm of life and set off a “chain reaction” that leads to events designed to bring redemption, forgiveness and balance. These events can take the shape of a crisis moment or a chance encounter that changes everything.
In the scene, an arrogant man who put his work above all else and lost custody of his daughter, must be interrupted by a car accident if he is to stop and see his daughter who is in a coma. A dollar bill blows in the wind, lands in front of a man in a wheelchair who stops for it and spills groceries. A can of soup rolls away and trips a woman who falls to the ground. The man next to her who is carrying a four foot long box gets turned around and the side of the box hits a man smoking a cigarette. The cigarette goes flying onto a wind shield of another woman’s car in motion. The woman activates her windshield wipers and sends the cigarette butt flying which hits a man in the face who drops some flowers. Another woman attempts to pick up the flowers. A boy sees the woman and thinks of helping but instead bumps into a pizza delivery guy who drops five pies of pizza. A car drives by and the man driving runs over a pizza carton while taking a sip of coffee. The coffee spills on his lap. He looks down and he runs a red light. At the exact moment, the arrogant man who refuses to see his daughter who is in a coma drives by and is hit by the car. He is taken to the same hospital that his daughter is in. Redemption is now possible.
“The downward spiral is essentially a chain reaction. They’re all reactions. One thing begets the next. A man has a weakness, he’s flawed. That flaw leads him to guilt. The guilt leads him to shame. The shame he compensates with pride and vanity. And when pride fails, despair takes over and they all lead to his destruction. What will become his fate? Something’s got to stop the flow.”- Ink
I continue to think about the line from the Alchemist: The whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true.”
If we only knew how much is going on behind the scenes, it would be much easier to trust. If we are willing to search for meaning in suffering, we will find it. This search for meaning in suffering is what I am after when I say that I am connecting with the higher self of the 42 year old man. This is my work. At least for tonight.
“Nothing is more likely to help a person overcome or endure than the consciousness of having a task in life- Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
The 42 year old man who has three daughters and was in an intensive care unit a few weeks ago was just sent home to die. My daughter has been including him in her nightly prayers for two years now (every day-without exception) and it seems like this last battle will bring him home. I will be spending time connecting with his higher self in the days to come and I know he is ready. Is his family ready? I have only met him twice in the past two years. The first time was when I received the request to join a prayer group for him when he was first diagnosed. He had a very healthy lifestyle and was a loving father and husband. He had a strong faith and did not take life too seriously. So why did he develop cancer? It made no sense. As soon as I saw the email request from his aunt, my co-worker, I immediately said yes. I have never joined a prayer group before and I did not know this man but that did not matter. I was being moved by unseen forces. The weekly prayers in front of a grotto at the university lasted months. This is when my eldest daughter began to regularly say at bedtime: “God, please help him get better and let me have great dreams and great thoughts. Amen.”
The second time was at a wedding a year later. He had gone into remission and was doing great. We spoke of the power of positive thinking to overcome impossible odds. He is a model for all fathers. A few weeks ago I heard he had been hospitalized with multiple blood clots and an extremely low white blood cell count. While I was in my nine day period of prayer, it was made clear that his time had not yet come. The prayers for the dying were not for him. Now I am being told that the two year battle with cancer may be coming to an end. I promised my co-worker that I will spend time in his honor. I don’t know if his three daughters will have their daddy for the holidays.
I know at times it is easier to believe that events in our lives are random and there is no order to them. This helps us deal with tragedies and uncertainties in life. I choose to believe that there is an appointed time for everything. Just like our bodies have a perfect wisdom and timing for breathing, digestion, blood flow, healing and a host of other visceral functions, we live in a universe that if observed from a wide enough prospective, reveals an intricate order. This order is designed to bring balance to the whole. To the naked eye, it seems unfair, incomplete, tragic and chaotic. If you want a glimpse of this order, first believe that it exists.
Recently I saw an independent film called Ink. It is about good and evil forces infiltrating our sleep to change the trajectory of our lives. Sounds like a winner, I know. Truly, it is a good film that illustrates these unseen forces I write about. A scene in the movie is worth the price of admission. It depicts a spirit whose sole purpose is to alter the rhythm of life and set off a “chain reaction” that leads to events designed to bring redemption, forgiveness and balance. These events can take the shape of a crisis moment or a chance encounter that changes everything.
In the scene, an arrogant man who put his work above all else and lost custody of his daughter, must be interrupted by a car accident if he is to stop and see his daughter who is in a coma. A dollar bill blows in the wind, lands in front of a man in a wheelchair who stops for it and spills groceries. A can of soup rolls away and trips a woman who falls to the ground. The man next to her who is carrying a four foot long box gets turned around and the side of the box hits a man smoking a cigarette. The cigarette goes flying onto a wind shield of another woman’s car in motion. The woman activates her windshield wipers and sends the cigarette butt flying which hits a man in the face who drops some flowers. Another woman attempts to pick up the flowers. A boy sees the woman and thinks of helping but instead bumps into a pizza delivery guy who drops five pies of pizza. A car drives by and the man driving runs over a pizza carton while taking a sip of coffee. The coffee spills on his lap. He looks down and he runs a red light. At the exact moment, the arrogant man who refuses to see his daughter who is in a coma drives by and is hit by the car. He is taken to the same hospital that his daughter is in. Redemption is now possible.
“The downward spiral is essentially a chain reaction. They’re all reactions. One thing begets the next. A man has a weakness, he’s flawed. That flaw leads him to guilt. The guilt leads him to shame. The shame he compensates with pride and vanity. And when pride fails, despair takes over and they all lead to his destruction. What will become his fate? Something’s got to stop the flow.”- Ink
I continue to think about the line from the Alchemist: The whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true.”
If we only knew how much is going on behind the scenes, it would be much easier to trust. If we are willing to search for meaning in suffering, we will find it. This search for meaning in suffering is what I am after when I say that I am connecting with the higher self of the 42 year old man. This is my work. At least for tonight.
“Nothing is more likely to help a person overcome or endure than the consciousness of having a task in life- Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 19 days
A co-worker stopped by my office today and asked me: “If you could have dinner with two people. One who is no longer with us and one who is, who would it be?
Two months ago, I received a call from my partner at work at around 5:30pm. She called to let me know that she had just found out her father had a heart attack and passed suddenly. The tragic nature of the news was compounded by the fact that her mother is in a nursing home and has been for the past four years following a stroke. I expressed my condolences and let her know that I am here for her if she needs anything.
I had been receiving so much intuition about so many, why did I not see this one coming? If only I could have had a sign that his health was in danger, I would have said something. Perhaps.
Perhaps because I had already started research for The Superman Effect, the first thought I had after getting off the phone with my partner was what the young Clark Kent said to his mother soon after his father died of a similar heart attack:
“All these powers and I could not even save him”.
I did not verbalize this thought to her or to anyone. I don’t presume to have any powers that save. It was curious however that these were my thoughts as yet another alignment between my dream and reality.
The amount of strength that my partner exhibited during these past few months is awe-inspiring. She had to take care of all funeral and burial arrangements while caring for her mother and coordinating an emptying of a home 50 years in the making in Greeley, CO as well as one of her own in Denver. She is an inspiration to me and to all we work with.
Saying goodbye at work will be the hardest thing I have ever done. Those I work with are as much a part of my family as those I come home to. I find myself cheering them on and watching them light up when we interact. I feel like I am in a state of flow at work where everyone supports my decisions. Leaving is no longer about feeling dissatisfied. It's just time to go.
I received a call from a faculty member today with no other question but “how are you doing?” Another faculty member in response to a prospective student’s email wrote:
“Our marketing director and a good friend of mine, who just got his MBA here, would be another really good source. His name is Dennis Rodriguez and his number is..”
I have developed deep and fruitful friendships with so many at the university. I have not been able to take a peek at the future and see how I will say goodbye but I know my work will be done there very soon. The moment I say goodbye will arrive. In the meantime, it’s the moments in between that I am attempting to give breadth to.
My answer to my co-worker’s inquiry about who would I have dinner with was cute and achieved its desired outcome: to make him feel good.
I said to my co-worker (who happened to be Jewish) “If I could only have dinner with two people, one who is no longer with us and one who is, I would choose Jesus and you.” “Great answer!” he says.
It paled in comparison to my partner’s answer when she was asked the question next.
She said “I would choose my Mom and Dad”.
I would pass on my dinner plans if she could only keep hers.
Two months ago, I received a call from my partner at work at around 5:30pm. She called to let me know that she had just found out her father had a heart attack and passed suddenly. The tragic nature of the news was compounded by the fact that her mother is in a nursing home and has been for the past four years following a stroke. I expressed my condolences and let her know that I am here for her if she needs anything.
I had been receiving so much intuition about so many, why did I not see this one coming? If only I could have had a sign that his health was in danger, I would have said something. Perhaps.
Perhaps because I had already started research for The Superman Effect, the first thought I had after getting off the phone with my partner was what the young Clark Kent said to his mother soon after his father died of a similar heart attack:
“All these powers and I could not even save him”.
I did not verbalize this thought to her or to anyone. I don’t presume to have any powers that save. It was curious however that these were my thoughts as yet another alignment between my dream and reality.
The amount of strength that my partner exhibited during these past few months is awe-inspiring. She had to take care of all funeral and burial arrangements while caring for her mother and coordinating an emptying of a home 50 years in the making in Greeley, CO as well as one of her own in Denver. She is an inspiration to me and to all we work with.
Saying goodbye at work will be the hardest thing I have ever done. Those I work with are as much a part of my family as those I come home to. I find myself cheering them on and watching them light up when we interact. I feel like I am in a state of flow at work where everyone supports my decisions. Leaving is no longer about feeling dissatisfied. It's just time to go.
I received a call from a faculty member today with no other question but “how are you doing?” Another faculty member in response to a prospective student’s email wrote:
“Our marketing director and a good friend of mine, who just got his MBA here, would be another really good source. His name is Dennis Rodriguez and his number is..”
I have developed deep and fruitful friendships with so many at the university. I have not been able to take a peek at the future and see how I will say goodbye but I know my work will be done there very soon. The moment I say goodbye will arrive. In the meantime, it’s the moments in between that I am attempting to give breadth to.
My answer to my co-worker’s inquiry about who would I have dinner with was cute and achieved its desired outcome: to make him feel good.
I said to my co-worker (who happened to be Jewish) “If I could only have dinner with two people, one who is no longer with us and one who is, I would choose Jesus and you.” “Great answer!” he says.
It paled in comparison to my partner’s answer when she was asked the question next.
She said “I would choose my Mom and Dad”.
I would pass on my dinner plans if she could only keep hers.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 20 days
Just when I thought I was out of the war inside me… it pulled me back in! I have maintained a pretty positive outlook about quitting my job for the past 40 days but today has been a challenge. The mind plays some funny tricks. What has changed? My circumstances are the same as they were yesterday yet today, I was confronted with a barrage of thoughts:
“Who do I think I am quitting my job at a time like this? My writing is not that good. Am I being responsible? Why hasn’t Wayne or Deepak called?
Time to question my negative thoughts (Thank you Byron Katie):
Why isn’t it the right time to quit my job? How do I know my writing is not good enough? Who sets the standard? How do I know that teaching my kids to follow their dreams and let go of fear isn’t the most responsible thing I could do in life? How do I know Wayne or Deepak have even gotten to my blog much less decided not to call?
If I take a moment and really question the foolishness of my insecurities, I realize that even if a writing career does not work out, I am bilingual, have two masters’ degrees, have taught at a university, have held a stable management job for years and I am pretty resourceful. So what is wrong with me? Why do I feel insecure about my future today? It’s as if old residual stuff not at all connected with my present reality is surfacing and working its way out. “Sit with it, Dennis. Don’t judge it; just let it flow up and out.”
About a month ago, I lost my Iphone. You might say “So what, it’s just a phone.” You don’t understand, it is my iphone! Prior to this year, I have never owned a cell phone and I went right to a 16G Apple Iphone.
It was 9am when I realized my iphone was nowhere to be found. I work seven minutes from my home and knew that I had left the home with my Iphone so I must have dropped it during my seven minute walk. After exhibiting the behavior of a man who was about to have a full blown panic attack, I went right into sleuth mode. I went online and checked my AT&T phone logs to see if any calls were placed after 9am. There had been eight calls made. I called each and every number.
“Excuse me, you don’t know me but I lost my phone a few hours ago and a call was placed to this number from whoever has it. Can you check your caller display to see if you recognize the person who called you at 9:31, 10:08, 11:02.. I disconnected the service with AT&T and waited. At 1pm, I got a callback from the man who had my phone.
“ I found your phone. I’m really sorry. My mom said I had to call you and return it or she would call my parole officer.”
Did he say… ? Ignore it Dennis. “When can I get my phone?”
“I can’t today, I don’t have a car.”
“Well, I don’t want you to steal a car to get me my phone” (a bad joke that fell on deaf ears) but I need my phone today or else I’ll have to call the police.”
“I will get you your phone. “
An hour later, I got a call from a woman. “I have your phone. I have been helping this young man ever since he was a teenager. He is a troubled kid.
“He said you were his mother”
“Oh no, not me. Where could we meet so that I can get you your phone. I am unemployed so I can meet you now if you’d like.”
We met at a safe Starbucks not far from where I live and work. I gave her $20 for her help and she gave me a huge hug. We parted ways. I got my Iphone.
At around 7pm that night I got another call. This time from a good friend of the man who took my Iphone. It turns out that the man who took my phone is mentally disabled and that the woman who retrieved my phone was indeed his mother. The woman on the line then said in a haunting tone “There is more to this story than you know.” “Listen”, I said, I appreciate you calling me back but I’d rather not learn anymore.”
“Do you pray?, she said. “Please pray for him and for his mother.”
I said I will and then hung up.
I’ve thought about this incident a great deal the past month. Why did it happen? I believe it happened so that I could remember two things:
1. I am a resourceful person who knows how to use his noggin.
2. There is always more to anybody’s story than we know.
“Who do I think I am quitting my job at a time like this? My writing is not that good. Am I being responsible? Why hasn’t Wayne or Deepak called?
Time to question my negative thoughts (Thank you Byron Katie):
Why isn’t it the right time to quit my job? How do I know my writing is not good enough? Who sets the standard? How do I know that teaching my kids to follow their dreams and let go of fear isn’t the most responsible thing I could do in life? How do I know Wayne or Deepak have even gotten to my blog much less decided not to call?
If I take a moment and really question the foolishness of my insecurities, I realize that even if a writing career does not work out, I am bilingual, have two masters’ degrees, have taught at a university, have held a stable management job for years and I am pretty resourceful. So what is wrong with me? Why do I feel insecure about my future today? It’s as if old residual stuff not at all connected with my present reality is surfacing and working its way out. “Sit with it, Dennis. Don’t judge it; just let it flow up and out.”
About a month ago, I lost my Iphone. You might say “So what, it’s just a phone.” You don’t understand, it is my iphone! Prior to this year, I have never owned a cell phone and I went right to a 16G Apple Iphone.
It was 9am when I realized my iphone was nowhere to be found. I work seven minutes from my home and knew that I had left the home with my Iphone so I must have dropped it during my seven minute walk. After exhibiting the behavior of a man who was about to have a full blown panic attack, I went right into sleuth mode. I went online and checked my AT&T phone logs to see if any calls were placed after 9am. There had been eight calls made. I called each and every number.
“Excuse me, you don’t know me but I lost my phone a few hours ago and a call was placed to this number from whoever has it. Can you check your caller display to see if you recognize the person who called you at 9:31, 10:08, 11:02.. I disconnected the service with AT&T and waited. At 1pm, I got a callback from the man who had my phone.
“ I found your phone. I’m really sorry. My mom said I had to call you and return it or she would call my parole officer.”
Did he say… ? Ignore it Dennis. “When can I get my phone?”
“I can’t today, I don’t have a car.”
“Well, I don’t want you to steal a car to get me my phone” (a bad joke that fell on deaf ears) but I need my phone today or else I’ll have to call the police.”
“I will get you your phone. “
An hour later, I got a call from a woman. “I have your phone. I have been helping this young man ever since he was a teenager. He is a troubled kid.
“He said you were his mother”
“Oh no, not me. Where could we meet so that I can get you your phone. I am unemployed so I can meet you now if you’d like.”
We met at a safe Starbucks not far from where I live and work. I gave her $20 for her help and she gave me a huge hug. We parted ways. I got my Iphone.
At around 7pm that night I got another call. This time from a good friend of the man who took my Iphone. It turns out that the man who took my phone is mentally disabled and that the woman who retrieved my phone was indeed his mother. The woman on the line then said in a haunting tone “There is more to this story than you know.” “Listen”, I said, I appreciate you calling me back but I’d rather not learn anymore.”
“Do you pray?, she said. “Please pray for him and for his mother.”
I said I will and then hung up.
I’ve thought about this incident a great deal the past month. Why did it happen? I believe it happened so that I could remember two things:
1. I am a resourceful person who knows how to use his noggin.
2. There is always more to anybody’s story than we know.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 21 days
Three weeks before resignation day! I must admit, it’s getting harder to write from the heart. I keep asking myself: “Do my readers want to hear about dream manifestation or healing prayer? Taking action? Overcoming fears or parallel universes? This is me. This is who I am and I just want to write my story. I had received great advice before I started this process: “If you want to reduce writer’s block, just speak and let your fingers take the dictation. Write for you and no one else. Your readers will make themselves known.”
I feel called to write about one of the greatest figures of the 20th century. She has been an inspiration to me and millions who look for greater and greater ways to serve. She had a moment that changed everything. The “moment” came on September 10, 1946 and the woman’s name is Mother Teresa.
Excerpts from Mother Teresa’s Secret Fire- The Encounter that Changed Her Life And How It can Transform Your Own by Joseph Langford, 2008, Our Sunday Visitor Publishing
Mother Teresa’s moment arrived while on a train to Darjeeling, India. She named this day, “Inspiration Day”.
“Somewhere along the way, Mother Teresa had an extraordinary experience of God. In her characteristic humility, she would refer to this life-changing experience as simply ‘a call within a call’, a call to leave Loreto and go into the slums [of Calcutta]. Only later would she reveal more of what transpired in her soul that September day, and of the extraordinary interior communications during the following year and a half, in which Jesus would commission her to ‘carry him’ and ‘be his light’ in the darkness of Calcutta’s slums.” Pg.21
“..An experience of such power and depth, of such intense ‘light and love’, as she would later describe it, that by the time her train pulled into the station at Darjeeling, she was no longer the same. Though no one knew it at the time, Sister Teresa had just become Mother Teresa.”- pg. 44
I remember learning of her death within a few days after my wife and I had arrived in Colorado, August 1997. I found it so divinely perfect that this humble nun passed away as quietly as she moved through life. Her death and burial was overshadowed by that of Princess Diana's. I have always admired the depth of her humility and hope to grow in its lessons. Mother Teresa did not allow this “Inspiration Day” moment to be spoken of until 1984. It was to be revealed within the context of a reason for her dedication to the poorest of the poor: to quench the divine thirst of God. Human Beings are not the only ones who long for a connection to the divine. The divine longs for a connection with us! A testament to the notion that we are all one disguised as many. Mother Teresa’s mission, which began on September 10, 1946 is best illustrated in her own her words:
“Poverty doesn’t only consist of being hungry for bread, but rather it is a tremendous hunger for human dignity. We need to love and to be somebody for someone else. This is where we denied the poor a piece of bread, but by thinking that they have no worth and leaving them abandoned in the streets, we have denied them the human dignity that is rightfully theirs as children of God. The world today is hungry not only for bread but hungry for love, hungry to be wanted, to be loved.”- Mother Teresa, No Greater Love. p. 93.
The reason I exalt Mother Teresa is because not only did she listen to spirit and obeyed its calling, she did so without regard to the usual barriers human beings put along their path to service. All people, regardless of religion, social class and lifestyle deserve to be loved and cared for. It was a command from her creator. Through the words “I thirst”, the divine conveyed a need for her. The divine conveys the same need for us all.
I have no idea how best to serve. Discovering how best to serve is the bulk of my work. I make people laugh at work with my John Travolta moves, I try to stay positive at home and speak to my daughters about their limitless potential and to have no doubt- Santa will answer their letter. I try to write from my heart ignoring the inner critic who thinks all he is doing is inviting judgement, and help in any way I can. Yet it always feels drastically insufficient. Do I give enough money to charity? Do I volunteer enough of my time? It never feels like enough. My only hope is that I have found a new way to serve-through writing. Mother Teresa consistently did the impossible around the world. She overcame corrupt regimes, wars, political and religious obstacles by focusing on one thing: making the person in front of her feel better. If I can just focus on that and not on meeting Oprah, it will be a purpose driven life indeed.
I feel called to write about one of the greatest figures of the 20th century. She has been an inspiration to me and millions who look for greater and greater ways to serve. She had a moment that changed everything. The “moment” came on September 10, 1946 and the woman’s name is Mother Teresa.
Excerpts from Mother Teresa’s Secret Fire- The Encounter that Changed Her Life And How It can Transform Your Own by Joseph Langford, 2008, Our Sunday Visitor Publishing
Mother Teresa’s moment arrived while on a train to Darjeeling, India. She named this day, “Inspiration Day”.
“Somewhere along the way, Mother Teresa had an extraordinary experience of God. In her characteristic humility, she would refer to this life-changing experience as simply ‘a call within a call’, a call to leave Loreto and go into the slums [of Calcutta]. Only later would she reveal more of what transpired in her soul that September day, and of the extraordinary interior communications during the following year and a half, in which Jesus would commission her to ‘carry him’ and ‘be his light’ in the darkness of Calcutta’s slums.” Pg.21
“..An experience of such power and depth, of such intense ‘light and love’, as she would later describe it, that by the time her train pulled into the station at Darjeeling, she was no longer the same. Though no one knew it at the time, Sister Teresa had just become Mother Teresa.”- pg. 44
I remember learning of her death within a few days after my wife and I had arrived in Colorado, August 1997. I found it so divinely perfect that this humble nun passed away as quietly as she moved through life. Her death and burial was overshadowed by that of Princess Diana's. I have always admired the depth of her humility and hope to grow in its lessons. Mother Teresa did not allow this “Inspiration Day” moment to be spoken of until 1984. It was to be revealed within the context of a reason for her dedication to the poorest of the poor: to quench the divine thirst of God. Human Beings are not the only ones who long for a connection to the divine. The divine longs for a connection with us! A testament to the notion that we are all one disguised as many. Mother Teresa’s mission, which began on September 10, 1946 is best illustrated in her own her words:
“Poverty doesn’t only consist of being hungry for bread, but rather it is a tremendous hunger for human dignity. We need to love and to be somebody for someone else. This is where we denied the poor a piece of bread, but by thinking that they have no worth and leaving them abandoned in the streets, we have denied them the human dignity that is rightfully theirs as children of God. The world today is hungry not only for bread but hungry for love, hungry to be wanted, to be loved.”- Mother Teresa, No Greater Love. p. 93.
The reason I exalt Mother Teresa is because not only did she listen to spirit and obeyed its calling, she did so without regard to the usual barriers human beings put along their path to service. All people, regardless of religion, social class and lifestyle deserve to be loved and cared for. It was a command from her creator. Through the words “I thirst”, the divine conveyed a need for her. The divine conveys the same need for us all.
I have no idea how best to serve. Discovering how best to serve is the bulk of my work. I make people laugh at work with my John Travolta moves, I try to stay positive at home and speak to my daughters about their limitless potential and to have no doubt- Santa will answer their letter. I try to write from my heart ignoring the inner critic who thinks all he is doing is inviting judgement, and help in any way I can. Yet it always feels drastically insufficient. Do I give enough money to charity? Do I volunteer enough of my time? It never feels like enough. My only hope is that I have found a new way to serve-through writing. Mother Teresa consistently did the impossible around the world. She overcame corrupt regimes, wars, political and religious obstacles by focusing on one thing: making the person in front of her feel better. If I can just focus on that and not on meeting Oprah, it will be a purpose driven life indeed.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 22 days
I am noticing that the more I let go of my fears around the decision to quit my job in 22 days and instead put all my energies into creating "The Superman Effect", the more I find myself becoming aware of the most subtle movements in the universe. The Zoo had a giving jar with a sign: “Make a change”. A close friend who has yet to start reading my blog reveals to me one of her deep insecurities and instead of becoming self-deprecating, says “It is what it is”. The interview for the work-from-home job that can supplement my writing with income and provide trips to Italy, is set for December 7th, and I feel so much support from my friends on both sides of the veil.
I feel the presence of my deceased father cheering me on to the finish line. I read Jesus’ words as if for the first time: “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” My friends in spirit are always with me, sending their love and positive thoughts and the coolest part is that even if I don’t hear from them, I feel it their love.
Confidence in my writing is growing every day and I feel lighter, more at ease. Life is fun because I choose to focus on it as fun. I have worried way too much about money in the past and I choose to let go of the worry and fully trust this time around. As long as when I come home, my wife and kids see a happy dad, then they in turn are joyous, so I refuse to let income determine the happiness of my family. We have always had our financial needs met and like my wife says, “If this does not work out and we lose our house, then we build back up again.” With that kind of support, I cannot fail.
I believe that fear creates density in the human experience. Density is responsible for our narrow vision and lack of spiritual and intuitive sensitivity. If we learn to release our fears, and trust that the universe supports our higher purpose, than manifestation becomes easier, we feel lighter and become more sensitive to higher vibrations. As long as our fears keep us from believing in what we don’t see, then we remain closed to life’s possibilities.
We can choose to live life believing we cannot afford anything, that we will never be truly loved, that we can’t do better than the job we have or that we are not creative. The universe will do everything in its power to confirm our beliefs. Our life circumstances are an identical mirror image of the mix between our conscious and unconscious beliefs. Because many of our beliefs contradict each other, ( for example, I want to be financially wealthy but money is the root of all evil) it is no wonder that we feel confused. The most frustrating part is that we are actually made in the image of God with unlimited, pure potential for clarity, creativity, freedom and trust. As a global belief, this is a great place to start.
As far as where the money will come from to replace my management salary? As Deepak Chopra likes to say when quoting the Guru being asked the same question by his devotee:
“Where will the money come from?” “The money will come from where it’s at.”
I feel the presence of my deceased father cheering me on to the finish line. I read Jesus’ words as if for the first time: “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” My friends in spirit are always with me, sending their love and positive thoughts and the coolest part is that even if I don’t hear from them, I feel it their love.
Confidence in my writing is growing every day and I feel lighter, more at ease. Life is fun because I choose to focus on it as fun. I have worried way too much about money in the past and I choose to let go of the worry and fully trust this time around. As long as when I come home, my wife and kids see a happy dad, then they in turn are joyous, so I refuse to let income determine the happiness of my family. We have always had our financial needs met and like my wife says, “If this does not work out and we lose our house, then we build back up again.” With that kind of support, I cannot fail.
I believe that fear creates density in the human experience. Density is responsible for our narrow vision and lack of spiritual and intuitive sensitivity. If we learn to release our fears, and trust that the universe supports our higher purpose, than manifestation becomes easier, we feel lighter and become more sensitive to higher vibrations. As long as our fears keep us from believing in what we don’t see, then we remain closed to life’s possibilities.
We can choose to live life believing we cannot afford anything, that we will never be truly loved, that we can’t do better than the job we have or that we are not creative. The universe will do everything in its power to confirm our beliefs. Our life circumstances are an identical mirror image of the mix between our conscious and unconscious beliefs. Because many of our beliefs contradict each other, ( for example, I want to be financially wealthy but money is the root of all evil) it is no wonder that we feel confused. The most frustrating part is that we are actually made in the image of God with unlimited, pure potential for clarity, creativity, freedom and trust. As a global belief, this is a great place to start.
As far as where the money will come from to replace my management salary? As Deepak Chopra likes to say when quoting the Guru being asked the same question by his devotee:
“Where will the money come from?” “The money will come from where it’s at.”
Friday, November 27, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 23 Days
It’s time to take massive action! After having gone through 36 days of sitting, feeling, purging, emptying, dreaming, and writing now is the time to move and cut off all limiting beliefs. Incision is to cut, decision is to cut off any other alternative option. I have printed 10 copies of my writings and am sending off tomorrow a copy to movers and shakers in the transformation industry. I am not looking back. I want to get these writings out to as many people as possible. He that has no email address has a Hay House Publishing address. Wayne Dyer, my friend, thank you for being my inspiration! A copy is heading your way. I am not listening to that annoying little voice: “What if it’s too early?” What if I didn’t catch all the spelling errors?” “What if nobody responds?”” What if!”
Instead, I am looking ahead. I will leave the university and my book will be published. I will teach classes from my writings. I will continue to listen to spirit. I will continue to have a harmonious family life and enjoy the company of my friends. Every day I will hear stories of people who have cast their fears aside and have taken giant leaps of faith, who notice the extraordinary in seemingly ordinary events. People who have slowed down enough to recognize the child and the dreamer in them.
A month ago, I posted on a well-known spiritual community site an introduction to my blog. I would like to extend the same invitation to you all.
“I'm an ordinary guy who is waking up to the recognition of extraordinary past experiences. I have spent the past 15 years of my life desperately searching for the moment when my life purpose becomes crystal clear. When old constructs of who I think I am, fade away and a sense of clarity of purpose comes upon me that is undeniable. A moment that crystallizes my destiny and compels me to willingly surrender. This moment is filled with a love that burns all perceptions of fear and illusions of separateness. It calls me to act with conviction, and completely transforms the way I perceive the world and my place in it. Overnight, I am made aware of my mission and purpose for being. It can reach me as the sound of roaring waves or as a still small voice, but when it arrives, there is no doubt. I am moved by the creative force of the universe to say "yes" and live.
I would like to read about this moment in your life. It is exquisitely healing to spend the time looking at your past experiences through the eyes of inspired turning points. Did we chart out their exact timing before we were born and thus are we "remembering" the moment?
What was the turning point in your life that propelled you to live out your current vision and purpose? How did you feel when the moment arrived? How did others relate to you? Was rational thought suspended? Did your heart open in newfound ways? Did your fear vanish and did you have to act?
Like the parting of the Red Sea, I believe the universe supports our movements when they are born out of this destiny shaping experience.
Please bless us all with your story!"
Instead, I am looking ahead. I will leave the university and my book will be published. I will teach classes from my writings. I will continue to listen to spirit. I will continue to have a harmonious family life and enjoy the company of my friends. Every day I will hear stories of people who have cast their fears aside and have taken giant leaps of faith, who notice the extraordinary in seemingly ordinary events. People who have slowed down enough to recognize the child and the dreamer in them.
A month ago, I posted on a well-known spiritual community site an introduction to my blog. I would like to extend the same invitation to you all.
“I'm an ordinary guy who is waking up to the recognition of extraordinary past experiences. I have spent the past 15 years of my life desperately searching for the moment when my life purpose becomes crystal clear. When old constructs of who I think I am, fade away and a sense of clarity of purpose comes upon me that is undeniable. A moment that crystallizes my destiny and compels me to willingly surrender. This moment is filled with a love that burns all perceptions of fear and illusions of separateness. It calls me to act with conviction, and completely transforms the way I perceive the world and my place in it. Overnight, I am made aware of my mission and purpose for being. It can reach me as the sound of roaring waves or as a still small voice, but when it arrives, there is no doubt. I am moved by the creative force of the universe to say "yes" and live.
I would like to read about this moment in your life. It is exquisitely healing to spend the time looking at your past experiences through the eyes of inspired turning points. Did we chart out their exact timing before we were born and thus are we "remembering" the moment?
What was the turning point in your life that propelled you to live out your current vision and purpose? How did you feel when the moment arrived? How did others relate to you? Was rational thought suspended? Did your heart open in newfound ways? Did your fear vanish and did you have to act?
Like the parting of the Red Sea, I believe the universe supports our movements when they are born out of this destiny shaping experience.
Please bless us all with your story!"
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 24 days
When I was 10 years old, I fell deeply in love with a girl. I was sure I was going to marry her and told her as much. She was an ensemble member of our 5th grade play- Damn Yankees. I played the lead character Shoeless Joe Hardy which meant we would see each other in class and during drama rehearsals. A minute would not go by when I wasn’t thinking of her. I was convinced as only a 10 year old could be, that she was the one. At the end of my sixth grade, she called me to tell me she was moving and that we would not see each other again. She said she was playing the board game “Life” with her family that day and that the number 10 kept coming up on her dice. Through a broken mini-heart I said “Why don’t we make a pact, to see each other again in 10 years and get married?” She said yes!
The year I graduated from Boston University, my sister ran into my childhood sweetheart on a NY subway. I was home by then and she invited her over. I instantly remembered our pact. It had been 10 years since I last saw her. We dated for a year with what I can only describe as a tempestuous relationship. I still felt however, that she was the one I was to marry. A few days before Christmas she called me to tell me that we would not see each other again. She had rekindled a relationship with another man from Boston. My heart felt like it would explode and the only balm available was the loving arms of my newborn nephew. Holding him tight released the pain of utter betrayal I felt in my chest and these regular hugs made the holiday season a bearable one.
I am thankful for this break up. It forced me to make a decision that would forever alter the direction of my life. A decision that to this day has given me everything I could ever need.
The year after graduating with a bachelor’s degree in acting was filled with as much rejection as there were auditions. I could not land an acting job in NY. I would get callbacks but no gigs. It was a dark and depressing time. Had I spent four years studying to be an actor with no prospects of a career? I worked in the World Trade Center- Tower 2 as a temp that year and passed the time wondering will I ever do anything great with my life. I worked there most of the year and did not care that there had been a terrorist bombing. Losing my childhood sweetheart was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. It was time to leave NY.
I am thankful for this period of deep depression and loneliness in NY. It forced me to look at making a change. Soon after she left me, I called the University of Missouri and set up an audition to enter the Master of Fine Arts program. I was headed to Kansas City. I had no idea at the time that my future wife was waiting for me. She had traveled as many miles as I had from the opposite direction and we were to meet in the middle. Describing what my wife means to me is like asking me to describe God. She is closer to me than any adjective or metaphor could articulate. My love for her is not something I feel as an outside force but is inexplicably intertwined with my very being. There is no denying it, she and I are one.
If I stop to look at the dark nights in my life, I am thankful for each and every one of them. They were not fun to experience but they each had a strong lesson to teach me and most importantly, they have brought me here with you now. Every experience of pain brought with it a deeper appreciation of joy and meaning, without exception.
During Thanksgiving dinner today at the home of one of our closest friends, we all went around the table and said one thing we were thankful for. The five children present went first. My six year old daughter said “I’m thankful for everything.” So am I.
The year I graduated from Boston University, my sister ran into my childhood sweetheart on a NY subway. I was home by then and she invited her over. I instantly remembered our pact. It had been 10 years since I last saw her. We dated for a year with what I can only describe as a tempestuous relationship. I still felt however, that she was the one I was to marry. A few days before Christmas she called me to tell me that we would not see each other again. She had rekindled a relationship with another man from Boston. My heart felt like it would explode and the only balm available was the loving arms of my newborn nephew. Holding him tight released the pain of utter betrayal I felt in my chest and these regular hugs made the holiday season a bearable one.
I am thankful for this break up. It forced me to make a decision that would forever alter the direction of my life. A decision that to this day has given me everything I could ever need.
The year after graduating with a bachelor’s degree in acting was filled with as much rejection as there were auditions. I could not land an acting job in NY. I would get callbacks but no gigs. It was a dark and depressing time. Had I spent four years studying to be an actor with no prospects of a career? I worked in the World Trade Center- Tower 2 as a temp that year and passed the time wondering will I ever do anything great with my life. I worked there most of the year and did not care that there had been a terrorist bombing. Losing my childhood sweetheart was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. It was time to leave NY.
I am thankful for this period of deep depression and loneliness in NY. It forced me to look at making a change. Soon after she left me, I called the University of Missouri and set up an audition to enter the Master of Fine Arts program. I was headed to Kansas City. I had no idea at the time that my future wife was waiting for me. She had traveled as many miles as I had from the opposite direction and we were to meet in the middle. Describing what my wife means to me is like asking me to describe God. She is closer to me than any adjective or metaphor could articulate. My love for her is not something I feel as an outside force but is inexplicably intertwined with my very being. There is no denying it, she and I are one.
If I stop to look at the dark nights in my life, I am thankful for each and every one of them. They were not fun to experience but they each had a strong lesson to teach me and most importantly, they have brought me here with you now. Every experience of pain brought with it a deeper appreciation of joy and meaning, without exception.
During Thanksgiving dinner today at the home of one of our closest friends, we all went around the table and said one thing we were thankful for. The five children present went first. My six year old daughter said “I’m thankful for everything.” So am I.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 25 days
On the eve of Thanksgiving Day, I am ready to write about the real reason why I am doing this. First, let me explain what “this” is.
I have decided to resign my management position at a reputable university after being there for eight years and pursue a writing career. I have decided to share the last 60 days before resignation day with all who would find this blog. I am not talking about this blog at work and no one has come to me saying they have found it. On most days, I have no idea what I am going to write about even minutes before I sit in front of my computer. My intent is to show a play by play real life journey of dream fulfillment and manifestation.
So is this all about starting a writing career and selling millions of books? Well, that would be nice but that is not the real reason I am doing this.
46 years and three days ago, the country experienced a near fatal blow to its dream when President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated in Texas. After the death of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy five years later, millions of Americans feared that civil rights for all citizens would never become a reality. Can the fight continue without them?
100 years prior, another president, Abraham Lincoln was also assassinated and with it, the hopes and aspirations of many who had witnessed the birth of the Emancipation Proclamation. Fear captivated the hearts and mind of the populace. Can the tattered Union be saved?
We now find ourselves as a nation in a similar paralysis. The threat of a global economic meltdown has led many to postpone their dreams indefinitely. How many times did we hear the words during the past year, “the worst since the Great Depression, since the Great Depression, the Great Depression, Depression”. There are 2,600,000 pages with this term “The worst since the Great Depression” in Google’s search engine. We are afraid of losing our house, our jobs, or of going on vacation overseas. The “what ifs” in our lives are all consuming and we feel defeated. We all know someone who is in a job they hate and are watching the days tick by. The family does not get much attention because hating your job causes energy depletion and stress build up. So everything suffers and we are not living.
So what can we do about it? Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. Well, that is what I am attempting to do. I want to show everyone that it is possible to live a life full of possibilities than one full of fear. No matter how dire circumstances seem, there are forces at work in the universe that are working overtime to bring balance into your life.
It is obvious from the past 35 entries, that there is nothing easy about this process. I have had to face my greatest doubts and fears, but I have done so with an eye towards examples of faith and love. I have no choice but to begin to swim against this strong current. My vision is one in which everyone is living a life full of passion and complete unity between their gifts and life purpose. I believe we are all on this earth to further its evolution. The only power working against this goal is fear.
I also believe that Roosevelt had it right when he said “the only thing you have to fear is fear itself”. It is the greatest of all illusions. Since we do not know how much time we have left on this planet, my wish is that everyone makes the commitment to not let fear drive their actions. This commitment requires that we face our perceptions of fear with kindness and non-judgment, learn from them and decide to act out of our true authentic power.
Just like the thirteen colonies overcame their mathematically certain fate of defeat at the hands of the British by acting in spite of fear to an improbable victory, so too I would like no less than the same commitment: to believe in spite of our economic indicators and move to that the new State, seek that fulfilling career, write that memoir, go for that PhD, launch that website, and marry that girl! Yes, I have reached the point of no return. I will quit my job on December 21, 2009 (three years to the day before the end of the Mayan Calendar, the most fear-injected date in recorded history, mere coincidence) and launch my writing career.
I have decided to resign my management position at a reputable university after being there for eight years and pursue a writing career. I have decided to share the last 60 days before resignation day with all who would find this blog. I am not talking about this blog at work and no one has come to me saying they have found it. On most days, I have no idea what I am going to write about even minutes before I sit in front of my computer. My intent is to show a play by play real life journey of dream fulfillment and manifestation.
So is this all about starting a writing career and selling millions of books? Well, that would be nice but that is not the real reason I am doing this.
46 years and three days ago, the country experienced a near fatal blow to its dream when President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated in Texas. After the death of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy five years later, millions of Americans feared that civil rights for all citizens would never become a reality. Can the fight continue without them?
100 years prior, another president, Abraham Lincoln was also assassinated and with it, the hopes and aspirations of many who had witnessed the birth of the Emancipation Proclamation. Fear captivated the hearts and mind of the populace. Can the tattered Union be saved?
We now find ourselves as a nation in a similar paralysis. The threat of a global economic meltdown has led many to postpone their dreams indefinitely. How many times did we hear the words during the past year, “the worst since the Great Depression, since the Great Depression, the Great Depression, Depression”. There are 2,600,000 pages with this term “The worst since the Great Depression” in Google’s search engine. We are afraid of losing our house, our jobs, or of going on vacation overseas. The “what ifs” in our lives are all consuming and we feel defeated. We all know someone who is in a job they hate and are watching the days tick by. The family does not get much attention because hating your job causes energy depletion and stress build up. So everything suffers and we are not living.
So what can we do about it? Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world”. Well, that is what I am attempting to do. I want to show everyone that it is possible to live a life full of possibilities than one full of fear. No matter how dire circumstances seem, there are forces at work in the universe that are working overtime to bring balance into your life.
It is obvious from the past 35 entries, that there is nothing easy about this process. I have had to face my greatest doubts and fears, but I have done so with an eye towards examples of faith and love. I have no choice but to begin to swim against this strong current. My vision is one in which everyone is living a life full of passion and complete unity between their gifts and life purpose. I believe we are all on this earth to further its evolution. The only power working against this goal is fear.
I also believe that Roosevelt had it right when he said “the only thing you have to fear is fear itself”. It is the greatest of all illusions. Since we do not know how much time we have left on this planet, my wish is that everyone makes the commitment to not let fear drive their actions. This commitment requires that we face our perceptions of fear with kindness and non-judgment, learn from them and decide to act out of our true authentic power.
Just like the thirteen colonies overcame their mathematically certain fate of defeat at the hands of the British by acting in spite of fear to an improbable victory, so too I would like no less than the same commitment: to believe in spite of our economic indicators and move to that the new State, seek that fulfilling career, write that memoir, go for that PhD, launch that website, and marry that girl! Yes, I have reached the point of no return. I will quit my job on December 21, 2009 (three years to the day before the end of the Mayan Calendar, the most fear-injected date in recorded history, mere coincidence) and launch my writing career.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 26 days
What a fascinating dichotomy! There is so much movement around my new life: I am hearing of groups getting together and discussing my blog, people are letting me know about contacts they have with established writers who might be able to help, I have an interview with the travel agency that could provide a flexible, work from home opportunity, I have gained fluidity in my writing and have made deep connections with my loved ones through this blog. Yet at the same time, I am so ingrained in my work right now. As we head towards the start of the spring semester in January, the work that needs to be done is overwhelming. By the sheer number of projects I am involved in, I know I am valued by my co-workers and that I will be missed. 26 days is not a long time. I am trying to do all I can to set up for success those I leave behind. Not enough time.
I feel like I have reached the point of no return, watching my past existence dematerialize and a new exciting life taking shape. I wish I had the physics background to explain what I feel. There is so much illusion constructed by our minds. We live with the illusion that time is constant and linear, that cause and effect should always make sense. We trick our minds into believing that the past equals the future, that if a risk did not work out in the past then it is certain to fail in the future. We believe that we have no choice but to carry past hurts from our childhood into our present life, even though we had such a limited capacity for coping with our feelings as a child. We create these steel fortresses in our minds of limiting thoughts: “I’m too old”, “I’m too young”,” I don’t have a degree”,” I have many degrees but I can’t apply them”, “What will my family think?” “I am too sick to be happy”, “No one has had it worse than me”. As Byron Katie would ask: “Do you absolutely know it’s true?”
I have decided to live under the premise that my thoughts and feelings are just passing stuff, only as real as I decide to make them. What I focus on determines the quality of my life. If I focus on the magic moments, then I get more of them. I can decide to believe that I am more than who I have become. (I love the Lion King!) Once I clear out my old waste, I have room for new thought forms to appear that are empowering and of a higher vibration. I then start noticing that I can create my best life now.
The real secret is in understanding the impact that feeling has on universal forces. When I feel as if I have already received what I want to attract and there is no underlying subconscious anti-feeling that is counteracting my desire, then I am in flow and events happen to support my new vision.
This is why I have spent so much time these past 33 days recognizing and purging old habitual patterns of thought that do not serve me and just contradict what I want. So I write about my insecurities, sit with them without beating myself up and watch them pass like Chinese food. I then create some space and then replace them with empowering thoughts and feelings that support my new life. The most amazing part of this journey is learning to stop judging myself. My partner at work has a saying: “It is what it is.” Everything we cognitively know about reality is just a vehicle. This earth is hurtling through space carrying us, our bodies are moving about carrying us, our mind acts like a neat repository of our thoughts, carrying them around from place to place. So if it is all a vehicle, then why don’t we just enjoy the ride? It is what it is. You know how I know? Because it is. This moment cannot be any different than it is. It’s no surprise that when Moses asked God, “What is your name?” God answered: “I am that I am”. It is what it is.
So work will most likely be crazy next month. We will meet our goals and my last day will be a happy one. Unless something distracts me, tomorrow I will write about why I am really doing this. By the way, I have not forgotten about what I wrote in the first entry. I have discovered a treasure and I can’t wait to tell you what it is. I will however wait till day 1. It’s a doozy!
I feel like I have reached the point of no return, watching my past existence dematerialize and a new exciting life taking shape. I wish I had the physics background to explain what I feel. There is so much illusion constructed by our minds. We live with the illusion that time is constant and linear, that cause and effect should always make sense. We trick our minds into believing that the past equals the future, that if a risk did not work out in the past then it is certain to fail in the future. We believe that we have no choice but to carry past hurts from our childhood into our present life, even though we had such a limited capacity for coping with our feelings as a child. We create these steel fortresses in our minds of limiting thoughts: “I’m too old”, “I’m too young”,” I don’t have a degree”,” I have many degrees but I can’t apply them”, “What will my family think?” “I am too sick to be happy”, “No one has had it worse than me”. As Byron Katie would ask: “Do you absolutely know it’s true?”
I have decided to live under the premise that my thoughts and feelings are just passing stuff, only as real as I decide to make them. What I focus on determines the quality of my life. If I focus on the magic moments, then I get more of them. I can decide to believe that I am more than who I have become. (I love the Lion King!) Once I clear out my old waste, I have room for new thought forms to appear that are empowering and of a higher vibration. I then start noticing that I can create my best life now.
The real secret is in understanding the impact that feeling has on universal forces. When I feel as if I have already received what I want to attract and there is no underlying subconscious anti-feeling that is counteracting my desire, then I am in flow and events happen to support my new vision.
This is why I have spent so much time these past 33 days recognizing and purging old habitual patterns of thought that do not serve me and just contradict what I want. So I write about my insecurities, sit with them without beating myself up and watch them pass like Chinese food. I then create some space and then replace them with empowering thoughts and feelings that support my new life. The most amazing part of this journey is learning to stop judging myself. My partner at work has a saying: “It is what it is.” Everything we cognitively know about reality is just a vehicle. This earth is hurtling through space carrying us, our bodies are moving about carrying us, our mind acts like a neat repository of our thoughts, carrying them around from place to place. So if it is all a vehicle, then why don’t we just enjoy the ride? It is what it is. You know how I know? Because it is. This moment cannot be any different than it is. It’s no surprise that when Moses asked God, “What is your name?” God answered: “I am that I am”. It is what it is.
So work will most likely be crazy next month. We will meet our goals and my last day will be a happy one. Unless something distracts me, tomorrow I will write about why I am really doing this. By the way, I have not forgotten about what I wrote in the first entry. I have discovered a treasure and I can’t wait to tell you what it is. I will however wait till day 1. It’s a doozy!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 27 days
Eight days ago I wrote about beginning a nine day prayer journey that has in the past led to a death. I wrote:
“My co-worker’s nephew is in an intensive care unit. He has developed a blood infection two years after being diagnosed with cancer. After so many chemotherapy battles won, the outcome of this one feels uncertain. He is my age and also has three young daughters which makes me feel uniquely close to his plight. One of my assistant directors has received bad news about her health today. I don’t have the details but I don’t like the feeling I am getting. My sister’s father in law who was pronounced dead two weeks ago is in hospice care. No one expects it will be long. My wife’s grandfather is only ingesting ensure. No solid foods. At 94, his days are not many. My co-worker’s dad received news that there is no sign of brain activity in the area where there is atrophy. She is reaching out to me. Who do I focus on?”
As I wrote eight days ago, I have kept my promise to spend time in daily prayer even though I did not know who it was for. The past eight days have been incredible. I have felt the energy of my co-worker’s nephew as he guaranteed me that his time has not yet come. Like a child who had seen Santa Claus, I immediately told my co-worker. “He’s not ready to go. He is such strong guy.” “Did you have another premonition” she asked. “Something like that” I said. We went this weekend to a fundraiser in his honor and it was a sight to behold. So many people showed up to show their love for this 42 year old with three beautiful daughters. His family fed us all breakfast and Polish music was played all morning. My wife and I brought my own daughters to bask in the joy of the moment. My oldest daughter has been praying for him by name every night for the past two years. He has seen recovery after recovery and it looks like even with Stage 4 Cancer, he has at least one more in him. So at about day 4 of 9, I realized these prayers for the dying were not for him.
Last night I felt the familiar energy flow and saw in my minds eye a vision of an older woman who I knew as a child. She was a neighborhood homeless woman near the Bronx home where we lived for over 20 years. My mother used to have her over for dinner as often as she could. “Do you have rice?” she would ask my mother. I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly obvious the answer is in a Puerto Rican household. I would sit down with her and watch her eat. There was something so magical about having her visit. You knew she loved my mother and my mother in turn, treated her like one of the family. I knew she had died many years ago. I did not know why someone from the Bronx was visiting me. She did not say anything. She looked as destitute as I remembered her. I completed my seventh day of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy and went to sleep.
I woke up to an email from my sister this morning that her father in law had finally left this world at 3:30am. I now know why I was praying for the dying. Perhaps the connection to the homeless woman was geographical. My brother in law’s father died in the Bronx just like the woman who visited me last night. Who knows.
I want my brother in law to know that those that leave us behind can feel as close to us as when they were here. It is common to believe that they are watching us, but we are also watching them, searching for a rift in our perceptions of reality and yearning for a taste of heaven while on earth. Every time you take a moment to quiet the mind and raise your awareness to memories of those you love, they do the same. You meet between worlds.
My brother in law said to me today “I don’t know why, but I feel like there is something I need to do with my life. Something is missing. I don’t know what it is.” I told him a bit about this blog. My sister had not shared much as he was occupied with his father’s illness. In his vulnerable state, struggling with the shock of death, he said to me words that make my life worth living: He said to me “You know, I always feel good when I talk to you.” I love you too brother.
“My co-worker’s nephew is in an intensive care unit. He has developed a blood infection two years after being diagnosed with cancer. After so many chemotherapy battles won, the outcome of this one feels uncertain. He is my age and also has three young daughters which makes me feel uniquely close to his plight. One of my assistant directors has received bad news about her health today. I don’t have the details but I don’t like the feeling I am getting. My sister’s father in law who was pronounced dead two weeks ago is in hospice care. No one expects it will be long. My wife’s grandfather is only ingesting ensure. No solid foods. At 94, his days are not many. My co-worker’s dad received news that there is no sign of brain activity in the area where there is atrophy. She is reaching out to me. Who do I focus on?”
As I wrote eight days ago, I have kept my promise to spend time in daily prayer even though I did not know who it was for. The past eight days have been incredible. I have felt the energy of my co-worker’s nephew as he guaranteed me that his time has not yet come. Like a child who had seen Santa Claus, I immediately told my co-worker. “He’s not ready to go. He is such strong guy.” “Did you have another premonition” she asked. “Something like that” I said. We went this weekend to a fundraiser in his honor and it was a sight to behold. So many people showed up to show their love for this 42 year old with three beautiful daughters. His family fed us all breakfast and Polish music was played all morning. My wife and I brought my own daughters to bask in the joy of the moment. My oldest daughter has been praying for him by name every night for the past two years. He has seen recovery after recovery and it looks like even with Stage 4 Cancer, he has at least one more in him. So at about day 4 of 9, I realized these prayers for the dying were not for him.
Last night I felt the familiar energy flow and saw in my minds eye a vision of an older woman who I knew as a child. She was a neighborhood homeless woman near the Bronx home where we lived for over 20 years. My mother used to have her over for dinner as often as she could. “Do you have rice?” she would ask my mother. I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly obvious the answer is in a Puerto Rican household. I would sit down with her and watch her eat. There was something so magical about having her visit. You knew she loved my mother and my mother in turn, treated her like one of the family. I knew she had died many years ago. I did not know why someone from the Bronx was visiting me. She did not say anything. She looked as destitute as I remembered her. I completed my seventh day of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy and went to sleep.
I woke up to an email from my sister this morning that her father in law had finally left this world at 3:30am. I now know why I was praying for the dying. Perhaps the connection to the homeless woman was geographical. My brother in law’s father died in the Bronx just like the woman who visited me last night. Who knows.
I want my brother in law to know that those that leave us behind can feel as close to us as when they were here. It is common to believe that they are watching us, but we are also watching them, searching for a rift in our perceptions of reality and yearning for a taste of heaven while on earth. Every time you take a moment to quiet the mind and raise your awareness to memories of those you love, they do the same. You meet between worlds.
My brother in law said to me today “I don’t know why, but I feel like there is something I need to do with my life. Something is missing. I don’t know what it is.” I told him a bit about this blog. My sister had not shared much as he was occupied with his father’s illness. In his vulnerable state, struggling with the shock of death, he said to me words that make my life worth living: He said to me “You know, I always feel good when I talk to you.” I love you too brother.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 28 days
Does quitting my job to follow my dream make me a quitter? This process reminds me of my decision to leave acting after identifying with a performer’s life for almost twenty years. After going through a bachelor of fine arts conservatory in Boston and a master of fine arts one in Missouri, I had a choice: make a career of it or leave it all behind. It was a difficult choice because everyone knew me as the actor and very little else. I had done over a hundred theatre productions by the time I was twenty-five years old. I had been a student of human behavior, voice and speech production, body mechanics and classical theatre history. I studied the method of physical action, practicing clown technique and Greek tableaus. The expectation was that after high school musicals, a bachelors and masters degree, I was sure to continue. Well, there was only one problem. I wasn’t free. I lost the enjoyment of performing and was instead caught in a web of self criticism and tension.
This was never clearer than in my second year of my masters programs. I was cast in the role of Cleante, the voice of reason in a French Comedy called Tartuffe by Moliere. It was an appropriate role for me at the time. I was totally left-brain so an analytical, technically correct, talking-head in super tight French neoclassical attire with a gargantuan wig was perfect for me. Oh the wig!
This role however sent me into a deep depression. I could not breathe and it wasn’t because of the costume or the 47 hair pins keeping my wig in place. I just could not be spontaneous and this lack of freedom was reflected in my voice, my movements and my expression of feeling. In a nutshell: I thought I was awful and felt everyone knew it. Opening night arrived as did my first long speech. (I had many in the play). To illustrate how “so not on” I was that night, the hair pins decided to steal the show. At every pause I would take, a hair pin would fall to the hard wood floor- tink. It happened over and over and over again followed by snickers from the audience every time. Okay, so it is funny now, but it wasn’t then.
I just wasn’t happy. I had lost my passion to perform and although everyone said it was in my blood, I made the decision my final year to leave acting for good. Why continue doing it if you can’t soar.
Not until one last play. This time it was the role of Malvolio in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. By the time I had gotten cast in the role of the deluded, puritanical manservant, I had already informed my colleagues and my directors that I was quitting acting. Having made this decision freed up my creativity enough to enjoy some of the rehearsal process.
There was one night when everything changed. We were doing a run-thru of the show and my director had one note for me before we began. He elected to give it in front of all my peers and every one of my third year graduate teachers: “Dennis, I want everything you do tonight, to be done for the very first time. Do not do any physical action either with your voice or your body that you have ever done before. Do you think you can do that?” My mouth dropped. Complete and total spontaneity? You have got to be kidding. His message was simple: Ignore your left brain. Ignore what you think you know and stop identifying with being the doer. Use your right brain that houses all creative and intuitive impulses and allow yourself to be an instrument instead of the actor. As my first scene began, I felt like Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom. Jones took a step into the abyss to reach the Holy Grail and the bridge then appeared. I gave the best performance of my life. I had no idea what would come next and the moment always arrived. And then the next, and the next.
As I look back at the last twelve years since I quit following a career in acting, I know that the bridge has always appeared. It was the right decision and I now have faith that even though I don’t see all the steps coming together yet, I will follow my director’s advice. I will not look back to old patterns or past mistakes. I will not try to rally the forces of worry to ensure security for tomorrow. I will to do everything for the very first time.
This was never clearer than in my second year of my masters programs. I was cast in the role of Cleante, the voice of reason in a French Comedy called Tartuffe by Moliere. It was an appropriate role for me at the time. I was totally left-brain so an analytical, technically correct, talking-head in super tight French neoclassical attire with a gargantuan wig was perfect for me. Oh the wig!
This role however sent me into a deep depression. I could not breathe and it wasn’t because of the costume or the 47 hair pins keeping my wig in place. I just could not be spontaneous and this lack of freedom was reflected in my voice, my movements and my expression of feeling. In a nutshell: I thought I was awful and felt everyone knew it. Opening night arrived as did my first long speech. (I had many in the play). To illustrate how “so not on” I was that night, the hair pins decided to steal the show. At every pause I would take, a hair pin would fall to the hard wood floor- tink. It happened over and over and over again followed by snickers from the audience every time. Okay, so it is funny now, but it wasn’t then.
I just wasn’t happy. I had lost my passion to perform and although everyone said it was in my blood, I made the decision my final year to leave acting for good. Why continue doing it if you can’t soar.
Not until one last play. This time it was the role of Malvolio in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. By the time I had gotten cast in the role of the deluded, puritanical manservant, I had already informed my colleagues and my directors that I was quitting acting. Having made this decision freed up my creativity enough to enjoy some of the rehearsal process.
There was one night when everything changed. We were doing a run-thru of the show and my director had one note for me before we began. He elected to give it in front of all my peers and every one of my third year graduate teachers: “Dennis, I want everything you do tonight, to be done for the very first time. Do not do any physical action either with your voice or your body that you have ever done before. Do you think you can do that?” My mouth dropped. Complete and total spontaneity? You have got to be kidding. His message was simple: Ignore your left brain. Ignore what you think you know and stop identifying with being the doer. Use your right brain that houses all creative and intuitive impulses and allow yourself to be an instrument instead of the actor. As my first scene began, I felt like Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom. Jones took a step into the abyss to reach the Holy Grail and the bridge then appeared. I gave the best performance of my life. I had no idea what would come next and the moment always arrived. And then the next, and the next.
As I look back at the last twelve years since I quit following a career in acting, I know that the bridge has always appeared. It was the right decision and I now have faith that even though I don’t see all the steps coming together yet, I will follow my director’s advice. I will not look back to old patterns or past mistakes. I will not try to rally the forces of worry to ensure security for tomorrow. I will to do everything for the very first time.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 29 days
You have read some of my thoughts on why I am calling my first book “The Superman Effect.” But why “My Quest for the Moment When Everything Changes”? What is this moment I refer to and what does it mean for everything to change? What changes?
I had heard it said that if you want to find out what your passion is, look at the content of the books you read for mere pleasure. I realized that my book shelves were full of autobiographies depicting a chronological account of a person’s life and times or memoirs with more of a specific focus and context.
Perhaps because I was an actor and had teachers that would say “find the dramatic potential in every moment”, I always looked for that transformational event or turning point in a story where there was a clear before and after. After this “moment” a character’s personality was forever altered and decisions were deliberate. After this moment, a character felt different, had recognition of a higher calling and was perceived differently by others.
You find this moment clearly depicted in plays. Shakespeare wrote in this moment in almost every one of his plays. The banishment of Cordelia in King Lear, Hamlet’s vision of his father, Malvolio’s delusion after receiving Lady Olivia’s letter in Twelfth Night. The most dramatic accounts however, are those told by the person who experiences the moment. This is why for the past 15 years, I have collected many true life stories in the author’s own words.
For many years now, my outer circumstances have seemed picture perfect. I have a harmonious marriage, a stable job, healthy and happy children, loving friends, a home in a really nice and affluent neighborhood. Yet, I have always sensed dissatisfaction with my inner life and a pursuit for a positive life changing experience that takes me out of my ego traps and brings purpose and clarity to my life.
There are so many words in the English language that describe the moment: Epiphany, Awakening, Inspiration, Intuition, Metamorphosis, Realization, Actualization, Transformation, Revelation, and yes, I guess you can add Enlightenment. If a book had any of these words in its title, I was buying it. I have been endlessly searching and much of the insights that I have learned throughout the years have been born out of this quest. So why not write a book about it? Why not tell the world that this moment does not just come to a select few but to all of us and it does not always have to come out of crisis when we have sabotaged ourselves so much that we hit rock bottom. It can come because we have made a decision to be open to it, to look at the beauty and lawfulness in everyday life, to embrace all of life including our shadow side.
My shadow side: This is the side that I worked tirelessly to keep in the closet until just 30 days ago. It is the side that could never have just one drink, the side that was furious at his dead father for being so abusive and taking away his childhood, the side that was afraid of doing the same to his own kids. My shadow side is the side that judged people as incompetent, lazy, manipulative, and controlling as a projected image of my own insecurities. Embracing this side means kicking it out of the closet for the world to see as just an aspect, no less prominent that the better angel of my nature. Okay, so I get angry, am a glutton, lazy, manipulative and controlling at times. Who isn’t? It’s not all of me. It’s called being human. The harder I worked at denying or better yet, conquering these aspects of myself, the more they would rear their ugly heads and take over. Guilt would set in, which would lead to more self-destructing behavior and the crazy cycle would just continue. Guilt has never served me. By accepting that my shadow side is just passing through and will only stick around if I resist it, fear it or try to deny it, then I allow room for my heart to remain open and welcome in grace.
Back to the moment: It will come. We can’t help but grow and evolve so trust that around the corner things will become clearer. The fastest way to catch up to your moment is to keep dreaming and let go of fear. My vision is that this blog helps you see in your own life the best road map to let go of fear. When we let go of fear, then everything indeed changes. That is my hope.
I had heard it said that if you want to find out what your passion is, look at the content of the books you read for mere pleasure. I realized that my book shelves were full of autobiographies depicting a chronological account of a person’s life and times or memoirs with more of a specific focus and context.
Perhaps because I was an actor and had teachers that would say “find the dramatic potential in every moment”, I always looked for that transformational event or turning point in a story where there was a clear before and after. After this “moment” a character’s personality was forever altered and decisions were deliberate. After this moment, a character felt different, had recognition of a higher calling and was perceived differently by others.
You find this moment clearly depicted in plays. Shakespeare wrote in this moment in almost every one of his plays. The banishment of Cordelia in King Lear, Hamlet’s vision of his father, Malvolio’s delusion after receiving Lady Olivia’s letter in Twelfth Night. The most dramatic accounts however, are those told by the person who experiences the moment. This is why for the past 15 years, I have collected many true life stories in the author’s own words.
For many years now, my outer circumstances have seemed picture perfect. I have a harmonious marriage, a stable job, healthy and happy children, loving friends, a home in a really nice and affluent neighborhood. Yet, I have always sensed dissatisfaction with my inner life and a pursuit for a positive life changing experience that takes me out of my ego traps and brings purpose and clarity to my life.
There are so many words in the English language that describe the moment: Epiphany, Awakening, Inspiration, Intuition, Metamorphosis, Realization, Actualization, Transformation, Revelation, and yes, I guess you can add Enlightenment. If a book had any of these words in its title, I was buying it. I have been endlessly searching and much of the insights that I have learned throughout the years have been born out of this quest. So why not write a book about it? Why not tell the world that this moment does not just come to a select few but to all of us and it does not always have to come out of crisis when we have sabotaged ourselves so much that we hit rock bottom. It can come because we have made a decision to be open to it, to look at the beauty and lawfulness in everyday life, to embrace all of life including our shadow side.
My shadow side: This is the side that I worked tirelessly to keep in the closet until just 30 days ago. It is the side that could never have just one drink, the side that was furious at his dead father for being so abusive and taking away his childhood, the side that was afraid of doing the same to his own kids. My shadow side is the side that judged people as incompetent, lazy, manipulative, and controlling as a projected image of my own insecurities. Embracing this side means kicking it out of the closet for the world to see as just an aspect, no less prominent that the better angel of my nature. Okay, so I get angry, am a glutton, lazy, manipulative and controlling at times. Who isn’t? It’s not all of me. It’s called being human. The harder I worked at denying or better yet, conquering these aspects of myself, the more they would rear their ugly heads and take over. Guilt would set in, which would lead to more self-destructing behavior and the crazy cycle would just continue. Guilt has never served me. By accepting that my shadow side is just passing through and will only stick around if I resist it, fear it or try to deny it, then I allow room for my heart to remain open and welcome in grace.
Back to the moment: It will come. We can’t help but grow and evolve so trust that around the corner things will become clearer. The fastest way to catch up to your moment is to keep dreaming and let go of fear. My vision is that this blog helps you see in your own life the best road map to let go of fear. When we let go of fear, then everything indeed changes. That is my hope.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 30 days
The day started as most mornings do with coffee talk between my wife and I. My sports savvy wife said to me: “We’re at 30 days till you resign. This is the half-time stretch for you.” “Yes, sweetheart, this is the half-time stretch.” I shared with her my desire to have a part-time job that will keep me feeling like I was contributing income through work while I write. “I wish I could find another job that I could do from home between my writing.” I said. “You will hon,” she said. “You will get everything you want.” We continued with a fun conversation about wanting to travel back to Italy next year.
Our first trip to Italy was in March of 2003. My wife was six months pregnant with our first daughter. We had purchased the tickets months in advance and had picture perfect timing. We were set to leave March 21, 2003. The day arrived accompanied by a massive snow storm in Denver, the beginning of the war in Iraq and the SARS epidemic in full swing. As you know by now, we are no strangers to throwing caution to the wind, so we did not let minor disturbances stand in our way. The airport reopened the day after and Lufthansa called with information about a flight for us heading to Frankfurt in two hours and then to Rome. Our close friend and neighbor quickly helped us put our luggage in her Honda Hatchback and off we went to DIA. My muscles were sore from all the tightening as I feared we would slip and slide down the highway. I have never been a fan of flying on a plane and I thought the worse: “What if there is massive turbulence? What if it gets diverted to Iraq? What if someone with SARS coughs on my wife? I need my mommy. I know, I’ll say the Rosary!”
While in the airport’s men’s room, I ran into another friend who was also traveling to Rome with his wife for a marathon. We had not planned to be on the same flight but with all the cancellations due to the storm, suddenly the trip became less tense for me and more enjoyable for my wife. Our friends owned a coffee shop in our neighborhood and had provided there a venue for Italian lessons which I fully took advantage of. It would be fun to hook up in Italy. We didn’t try to force it though. We did not exchange hotel information. All we said was “See you in Roma!”
A day later, we of course ran into them in front of the Pantheon. We took that as a sign that we should see more of each other. We had Gelato on Piazza Navona and cheered them on while they finished the Rome marathon. These are go-getters and even acquiesced at my request to meet us for dinner at the top of the Spanish Steps a few hours after lactic acid had set in. Sometimes I have no awareness.
Ah Roma. Que bella citta!
We have since traveled to Puerto Rico with the same friends and have become business partners as investors in a Sushi Restaurant for the past five years. The Italian coffee shop that they owned in northwest Denver was my “Cheers bar”. It was the place where many of my dreams were conceived and everyone knew my name. The Italian classes that I took there in preparation for my trip would resurface today in a very synchronistic way. Do you remember my morning coffee talk with my wife? Our dreams to travel back to Italy and my wish to get a part-time job working from home while I write? At 3pm today I received this email from the travel agency responsible for the Italian classes I took six years ago:
“We are looking for 3 experienced sales people to join our marketing manager to sell group tours to Italy.
This person should have some knowledge of Italy and Europe and like to travel, although we will train. Tour destinations include Italy , France , Croatia and Germany . This is a perfect part or full time position for anyone who wants to make their own hours and work from home.
Must have a reliable vehicle, computer with Broadband access and cell phone
Flexible hours
Opportunity to travel to Italy at discounted rates
Must be professional and have 3 years experience in sales and able to meet monthly quotas
Serious candidates only, this is not an opportunity for someone who just wants to travel to Italy
Must be detail oriented, highly motivated, self starter, and creative
Please email your resume to xxx. Resumes accepted through December 8, 2009”
The next 30 days will bring serendipitous events that will prove to us all beyond a shadow of a doubt that once you empty yourself of fear-based baggage and dare to act on your dreams, you can create your own reality. This is when it gets fun!
Our first trip to Italy was in March of 2003. My wife was six months pregnant with our first daughter. We had purchased the tickets months in advance and had picture perfect timing. We were set to leave March 21, 2003. The day arrived accompanied by a massive snow storm in Denver, the beginning of the war in Iraq and the SARS epidemic in full swing. As you know by now, we are no strangers to throwing caution to the wind, so we did not let minor disturbances stand in our way. The airport reopened the day after and Lufthansa called with information about a flight for us heading to Frankfurt in two hours and then to Rome. Our close friend and neighbor quickly helped us put our luggage in her Honda Hatchback and off we went to DIA. My muscles were sore from all the tightening as I feared we would slip and slide down the highway. I have never been a fan of flying on a plane and I thought the worse: “What if there is massive turbulence? What if it gets diverted to Iraq? What if someone with SARS coughs on my wife? I need my mommy. I know, I’ll say the Rosary!”
While in the airport’s men’s room, I ran into another friend who was also traveling to Rome with his wife for a marathon. We had not planned to be on the same flight but with all the cancellations due to the storm, suddenly the trip became less tense for me and more enjoyable for my wife. Our friends owned a coffee shop in our neighborhood and had provided there a venue for Italian lessons which I fully took advantage of. It would be fun to hook up in Italy. We didn’t try to force it though. We did not exchange hotel information. All we said was “See you in Roma!”
A day later, we of course ran into them in front of the Pantheon. We took that as a sign that we should see more of each other. We had Gelato on Piazza Navona and cheered them on while they finished the Rome marathon. These are go-getters and even acquiesced at my request to meet us for dinner at the top of the Spanish Steps a few hours after lactic acid had set in. Sometimes I have no awareness.
Ah Roma. Que bella citta!
We have since traveled to Puerto Rico with the same friends and have become business partners as investors in a Sushi Restaurant for the past five years. The Italian coffee shop that they owned in northwest Denver was my “Cheers bar”. It was the place where many of my dreams were conceived and everyone knew my name. The Italian classes that I took there in preparation for my trip would resurface today in a very synchronistic way. Do you remember my morning coffee talk with my wife? Our dreams to travel back to Italy and my wish to get a part-time job working from home while I write? At 3pm today I received this email from the travel agency responsible for the Italian classes I took six years ago:
“We are looking for 3 experienced sales people to join our marketing manager to sell group tours to Italy.
This person should have some knowledge of Italy and Europe and like to travel, although we will train. Tour destinations include Italy , France , Croatia and Germany . This is a perfect part or full time position for anyone who wants to make their own hours and work from home.
Must have a reliable vehicle, computer with Broadband access and cell phone
Flexible hours
Opportunity to travel to Italy at discounted rates
Must be professional and have 3 years experience in sales and able to meet monthly quotas
Serious candidates only, this is not an opportunity for someone who just wants to travel to Italy
Must be detail oriented, highly motivated, self starter, and creative
Please email your resume to xxx. Resumes accepted through December 8, 2009”
The next 30 days will bring serendipitous events that will prove to us all beyond a shadow of a doubt that once you empty yourself of fear-based baggage and dare to act on your dreams, you can create your own reality. This is when it gets fun!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 31 days
So why did I decide to call my first book The Superman Effect: My Quest for the Moment When Everything Changes?
We'll save "My quest for the moment when everything changes" for another day. Let’s just take today why The Superman Effect? Is it because I'm faster than a speeding bullet? Well, I did run three half marathons but the fastest run had a snail’s pace 12-minute split, so that’s not it.
Am I able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? In my dreams! Literally, in my dreams. I have flying dreams all the time and they are awesome. Superman has been a motif in my life ever since I was eight years old. I mentioned earlier that my mother took me to see Superman the movie when I was eight. Superman became my instant action hero of choice. My mother bought me a Superman rubber action figure and I would not let it leave my sight. Then came the day we moved on up from our small apartment on Fordham Road to our first house in the North Bronx. My parents were busy packing, my sisters were staying out of their way and I was playing with my Superman action figure. I stuck my hand out the window of our 8th floor flat and pretended to guide Superman’s flight. Now beneath our apartment, way down on the ground floor, I could see that there was an enormous heap of construction material. Like Buzz Light Year in Toy Story, Superman must have thought this is his time to show off and leave the secure hands of his father. He slipped right through my fingers and headed straight down to landfill.
My heart stopped. What was I to do? Even as an eight year old, I knew there was no sense even telling my parents I had dropped my greatest treasure. There was nothing they could do. I guess they could have bought me another toy but I did not even consider the option. I looked down and saw where it landed. I did not cry, I wept. I took a hiatus from my fascination with Superman. I felt like he had left me and I no longer had any use for him. We would no longer play together. At least not until May 17, 2009.
When the scene from the movie when Clark Kent became Superman flashed before my eyes that day, it was as if my action figure found his way back to his boyhood friend. I could not contain my excitement as I sat in front of my computer and started typing the words:
The Superman Effect
My Quest for the Moment When Everything Changes
By Dennis Rodriguez
May 17, 2009
Since then a few other scenes from the movie have played an important role in my journey towards Resignation Day. I’ll recount one more.
One day in August, I was at my daughter’s swimming class and I was drawn to a little boy on a leash guided by his mother. I immediately felt a strong pull to pay attention to his every step and so I watched him. He looked as if he had a malformed mouth and what seemed to look like a tube tied to his mid-section. Suddenly the little boy laid down on the fitness center floor and did not move. His mother did not miss a beat. “Sweetheart, are you hungry?” She took out some sort of electronic measurement device and proceeded to feed him liquid through the tube by his waist. “Is your son diabetic?” I asked. “No, he was born with a congenital heart condition and the reflux keeps him from being able to eat through his mouth.” My heart sank. His mother seemed so peaceful and accepting. She understood that she could still love her son and that made everything ok. As soon as the mother was done feeding, the boy popped up and began to move about. His energy had returned as quickly as it had left.
I could not get the little boy out of my mind. A few days later, I was meditating on the little boy with the intention of praying for a healing and had a profound experience. I saw in my mind’s eye an embryo. The embryo's life was at a fork in the road, the point in which either organ health or malformation was possible. Electricity ran through my body as I realized that what I was experiencing at some energetic level was a past moment in time when the little boy’s malformation first took place. I watched as the healthy choice was manifested. It brought intense energy movement throughout my entire body. I next had another image come to mind from the movie Superman: This time when Superman loses it after finding Lois Lane, lifeless in the earthquake rubble. He screams and flies high above the earth causing the earth to spin in opposite direction and go back in time to the moment before the earthquake in the hopes of saving her. I immediately saw the connection.
Now before you wonder whether I’ve flown with Superman over the cookoo’s nest, let me say that I have not seen the little boy again. I have no idea whether there was an actual healing. I do know that it brought me closer to the little boy’s energy and with it, a sense of peace. Superman reminds me that now is the time to play, to remember my flying dreams, to time travel and to serve.
"And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven"- Jesus, Mathew 18:3
We'll save "My quest for the moment when everything changes" for another day. Let’s just take today why The Superman Effect? Is it because I'm faster than a speeding bullet? Well, I did run three half marathons but the fastest run had a snail’s pace 12-minute split, so that’s not it.
Am I able to leap tall buildings in a single bound? In my dreams! Literally, in my dreams. I have flying dreams all the time and they are awesome. Superman has been a motif in my life ever since I was eight years old. I mentioned earlier that my mother took me to see Superman the movie when I was eight. Superman became my instant action hero of choice. My mother bought me a Superman rubber action figure and I would not let it leave my sight. Then came the day we moved on up from our small apartment on Fordham Road to our first house in the North Bronx. My parents were busy packing, my sisters were staying out of their way and I was playing with my Superman action figure. I stuck my hand out the window of our 8th floor flat and pretended to guide Superman’s flight. Now beneath our apartment, way down on the ground floor, I could see that there was an enormous heap of construction material. Like Buzz Light Year in Toy Story, Superman must have thought this is his time to show off and leave the secure hands of his father. He slipped right through my fingers and headed straight down to landfill.
My heart stopped. What was I to do? Even as an eight year old, I knew there was no sense even telling my parents I had dropped my greatest treasure. There was nothing they could do. I guess they could have bought me another toy but I did not even consider the option. I looked down and saw where it landed. I did not cry, I wept. I took a hiatus from my fascination with Superman. I felt like he had left me and I no longer had any use for him. We would no longer play together. At least not until May 17, 2009.
When the scene from the movie when Clark Kent became Superman flashed before my eyes that day, it was as if my action figure found his way back to his boyhood friend. I could not contain my excitement as I sat in front of my computer and started typing the words:
The Superman Effect
My Quest for the Moment When Everything Changes
By Dennis Rodriguez
May 17, 2009
Since then a few other scenes from the movie have played an important role in my journey towards Resignation Day. I’ll recount one more.
One day in August, I was at my daughter’s swimming class and I was drawn to a little boy on a leash guided by his mother. I immediately felt a strong pull to pay attention to his every step and so I watched him. He looked as if he had a malformed mouth and what seemed to look like a tube tied to his mid-section. Suddenly the little boy laid down on the fitness center floor and did not move. His mother did not miss a beat. “Sweetheart, are you hungry?” She took out some sort of electronic measurement device and proceeded to feed him liquid through the tube by his waist. “Is your son diabetic?” I asked. “No, he was born with a congenital heart condition and the reflux keeps him from being able to eat through his mouth.” My heart sank. His mother seemed so peaceful and accepting. She understood that she could still love her son and that made everything ok. As soon as the mother was done feeding, the boy popped up and began to move about. His energy had returned as quickly as it had left.
I could not get the little boy out of my mind. A few days later, I was meditating on the little boy with the intention of praying for a healing and had a profound experience. I saw in my mind’s eye an embryo. The embryo's life was at a fork in the road, the point in which either organ health or malformation was possible. Electricity ran through my body as I realized that what I was experiencing at some energetic level was a past moment in time when the little boy’s malformation first took place. I watched as the healthy choice was manifested. It brought intense energy movement throughout my entire body. I next had another image come to mind from the movie Superman: This time when Superman loses it after finding Lois Lane, lifeless in the earthquake rubble. He screams and flies high above the earth causing the earth to spin in opposite direction and go back in time to the moment before the earthquake in the hopes of saving her. I immediately saw the connection.
Now before you wonder whether I’ve flown with Superman over the cookoo’s nest, let me say that I have not seen the little boy again. I have no idea whether there was an actual healing. I do know that it brought me closer to the little boy’s energy and with it, a sense of peace. Superman reminds me that now is the time to play, to remember my flying dreams, to time travel and to serve.
"And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven"- Jesus, Mathew 18:3
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 32 days
Not a minute to reflect today. It is ironic that yesterday’s entry was about the need to let go at work so that I could make room for my new life and today was nothing short of insanity. Back to back meetings, the weirdest questions from my enrollment counselors, a crying international student begging to be admitted so that she is not deported to Moldavia (I looked it up, it’s in Romania), a 15-minute lunch break for a Griff’s hamburger and back in the saddle.
We have enormous goals for my last term at the university and many doubt whether we can pull it off. The MBA enrollments need a Christmas miracle or at the very least my undivided attention.
I know firsthand what it takes to complete an MBA as an adult learner. It was one of the most challenging times of my life. I had two daughters that greeted me every day like a rock star the moment I would get home. “Daddy’s home, Daddy’s home!!” Very rarely did I have the luxury of retreating to the basement without being disturbed. I didn’t mind. I was getting my MBA in International Business but I preferred to play with the children. I did not always have the energy for play or study, but I did the best I could. Some classes were downright hard. After all, I was an acting major with no prior business coursework. Statistics was near impossible and required help from above. I got an A-.
Then there was the capstone at the end of the program. It was a simulation of a global company that required one to integrate all they had learned in the program. You made executive decisions in strategic planning, marketing, supply chain management, finance, human resource allocation and defended your decisions every week in class. I was petrified for the first four weeks. Nothing was making sense and I had to face the prospect of admitting to NOT KNOWING. God help me!
I remember one day, I took the day off to work on my homework. I was walking home from the coffee shop after spending five hours on just one decision and I started to feel a panic attack coming my way. My thoughts were racing: “How can I possibly get through this class? How could I admit to my professor (who is also a faculty member that I consider a colleague and friend) that I can’t cut it? I can’t finish this class! I just can’t.”
Then suddenly, my mind just stopped in its tracks. I sat with it all and fully embraced what I was feeling at the moment. I remember having the sensation of complete silence, my thoughts just stopped and all I could do was smile. “So what if I can’t cut it?” “So what if I blow the presentation?” “So what if my professor loses respect for me?” “So what?”
I finished my homework and a few business concepts clicked that night. Not much, just a few. The next night was the presentation and you know what? I did fine. A few extra financial calculations clicked and by the next week, I was getting the hang of it. I understood. I realized, “I can do this” and I did.
My mother called me today to tell me she received the birthday gift I sent her. It was a photo album of my MBA graduation in May. She could not make it and I knew she would treasure the pictures more than I would. She was ecstatic. Completing the MBA with a full time management position and two young children was a great accomplishment. It pales in comparison however with the knowledge that my mother is happy because I sent her a photo album.
I told her a month ago that I was leaving my job to write a book. You know what her response was?
“Please send me the first copy.” I will.
We have enormous goals for my last term at the university and many doubt whether we can pull it off. The MBA enrollments need a Christmas miracle or at the very least my undivided attention.
I know firsthand what it takes to complete an MBA as an adult learner. It was one of the most challenging times of my life. I had two daughters that greeted me every day like a rock star the moment I would get home. “Daddy’s home, Daddy’s home!!” Very rarely did I have the luxury of retreating to the basement without being disturbed. I didn’t mind. I was getting my MBA in International Business but I preferred to play with the children. I did not always have the energy for play or study, but I did the best I could. Some classes were downright hard. After all, I was an acting major with no prior business coursework. Statistics was near impossible and required help from above. I got an A-.
Then there was the capstone at the end of the program. It was a simulation of a global company that required one to integrate all they had learned in the program. You made executive decisions in strategic planning, marketing, supply chain management, finance, human resource allocation and defended your decisions every week in class. I was petrified for the first four weeks. Nothing was making sense and I had to face the prospect of admitting to NOT KNOWING. God help me!
I remember one day, I took the day off to work on my homework. I was walking home from the coffee shop after spending five hours on just one decision and I started to feel a panic attack coming my way. My thoughts were racing: “How can I possibly get through this class? How could I admit to my professor (who is also a faculty member that I consider a colleague and friend) that I can’t cut it? I can’t finish this class! I just can’t.”
Then suddenly, my mind just stopped in its tracks. I sat with it all and fully embraced what I was feeling at the moment. I remember having the sensation of complete silence, my thoughts just stopped and all I could do was smile. “So what if I can’t cut it?” “So what if I blow the presentation?” “So what if my professor loses respect for me?” “So what?”
I finished my homework and a few business concepts clicked that night. Not much, just a few. The next night was the presentation and you know what? I did fine. A few extra financial calculations clicked and by the next week, I was getting the hang of it. I understood. I realized, “I can do this” and I did.
My mother called me today to tell me she received the birthday gift I sent her. It was a photo album of my MBA graduation in May. She could not make it and I knew she would treasure the pictures more than I would. She was ecstatic. Completing the MBA with a full time management position and two young children was a great accomplishment. It pales in comparison however with the knowledge that my mother is happy because I sent her a photo album.
I told her a month ago that I was leaving my job to write a book. You know what her response was?
“Please send me the first copy.” I will.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 33 days
How do you create the space for a new life amidst the constant activity bombardment of the old?
I am having a really hard time going into the office and investing my heart and soul into my work while knowing that in 33 days, I will submit my letter of resignation. It’s not because I don’t care about the university’s success or because I lack a commitment to my employees. It’s because no matter how difficult it is to deal with perceptions about my commitment level, my struggle is based on the healthy need to create mental space for something new. It is natural to be restless with the old when you are in transition. I’m sure many of you have felt what I’m writing about. Have you ever dreaded going to work? What is this feeling trying to say to us? “Make that Change.” (Yes, from Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror!)
Whether we believe it or not, there is a part of us that sees beyond our loss of a security image and fears of losing that stable income. This higher self is responsible for our lack of energy and dissatisfaction with work. It is calling us to follow a new path. A path that leads to joy, passion, curiosity and growth.
I have a co-worker who makes it a point to say every time someone has resigned, “he/she has already checked out.” For a while I dreaded the prospects of hearing those words about myself. I needed to be assured that everyone saw me as giving 150% every day. I now accept that there is a part of me that has to “check out” and allow others to take my place. Decisions will be made without my input, I don’t have to attend every key meeting or facilitate every networking event. 33 days is not a long time and the best way to deal with work is to start letting things go.
Last week I told my wife a story I had read in either the Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot or The Yoga of Time Travel by Fred Allan Wolf that illustrates the need to empty oneself to make room for something new. She thought I should blog about it that day. I told her I would, but it got bumped by some freaky spirit, energy ghost story. Then I went with a buddy of mine a few days later to see the movie 2012 and there again is the exact same story largely depicted on the silver screen- red robed monks and all! I got the message.
Empty Cup Mind
“A wise old monk once lived in an ancient temple. One day the monk heard an impatient pounding on the temple door. He opened it and greeted a young student, who said, “I have studied with great and wise masters. I consider myself quite accomplished in Buddhist philosophy. However, just in case there is anything more I need to know, I have come to see if you can add to my knowledge.” “Very well,” said the wise old master. “Come and have tea with me, and we will discuss your studies.” The two seated themselves opposite each other, and the old monk prepared tea. When it was ready, the old monk began to pour the tea carefully into the visitor’s cup. When the cup was full, the old man continued pouring until the tea spilled over the side of the cup and onto the young man’s lap. The startled visitor jumped back and indignantly shouted, “Some wise master you are! You are a fool who does not even know when a cup is full!” The old man calmly replied, “Just like this cup, your mind is so full of ideas that there is no room for any more. Come to me with an empty-cup mind, and then you will learn something.”
I have learned that quitting the university and becoming an author is not the real risk. The real risk is revealing all of me to you. It is a crash course in ego management.
My mind gets caught up with ego-based thoughts: “It is so cool that people think I’m so deep”, “What does he mean by this blog is a good marketing strategy?”,” Why doesn’t she write less about what it means to her and more about me?”, “Do they think this is too weird?”, “He said it was interesting, but he didn’t say it was VERY interesting.”
Why am I taking this risk and exposing all of me?
Because I have to empty my mind if I am to learn something new.
I am having a really hard time going into the office and investing my heart and soul into my work while knowing that in 33 days, I will submit my letter of resignation. It’s not because I don’t care about the university’s success or because I lack a commitment to my employees. It’s because no matter how difficult it is to deal with perceptions about my commitment level, my struggle is based on the healthy need to create mental space for something new. It is natural to be restless with the old when you are in transition. I’m sure many of you have felt what I’m writing about. Have you ever dreaded going to work? What is this feeling trying to say to us? “Make that Change.” (Yes, from Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror!)
Whether we believe it or not, there is a part of us that sees beyond our loss of a security image and fears of losing that stable income. This higher self is responsible for our lack of energy and dissatisfaction with work. It is calling us to follow a new path. A path that leads to joy, passion, curiosity and growth.
I have a co-worker who makes it a point to say every time someone has resigned, “he/she has already checked out.” For a while I dreaded the prospects of hearing those words about myself. I needed to be assured that everyone saw me as giving 150% every day. I now accept that there is a part of me that has to “check out” and allow others to take my place. Decisions will be made without my input, I don’t have to attend every key meeting or facilitate every networking event. 33 days is not a long time and the best way to deal with work is to start letting things go.
Last week I told my wife a story I had read in either the Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot or The Yoga of Time Travel by Fred Allan Wolf that illustrates the need to empty oneself to make room for something new. She thought I should blog about it that day. I told her I would, but it got bumped by some freaky spirit, energy ghost story. Then I went with a buddy of mine a few days later to see the movie 2012 and there again is the exact same story largely depicted on the silver screen- red robed monks and all! I got the message.
Empty Cup Mind
“A wise old monk once lived in an ancient temple. One day the monk heard an impatient pounding on the temple door. He opened it and greeted a young student, who said, “I have studied with great and wise masters. I consider myself quite accomplished in Buddhist philosophy. However, just in case there is anything more I need to know, I have come to see if you can add to my knowledge.” “Very well,” said the wise old master. “Come and have tea with me, and we will discuss your studies.” The two seated themselves opposite each other, and the old monk prepared tea. When it was ready, the old monk began to pour the tea carefully into the visitor’s cup. When the cup was full, the old man continued pouring until the tea spilled over the side of the cup and onto the young man’s lap. The startled visitor jumped back and indignantly shouted, “Some wise master you are! You are a fool who does not even know when a cup is full!” The old man calmly replied, “Just like this cup, your mind is so full of ideas that there is no room for any more. Come to me with an empty-cup mind, and then you will learn something.”
I have learned that quitting the university and becoming an author is not the real risk. The real risk is revealing all of me to you. It is a crash course in ego management.
My mind gets caught up with ego-based thoughts: “It is so cool that people think I’m so deep”, “What does he mean by this blog is a good marketing strategy?”,” Why doesn’t she write less about what it means to her and more about me?”, “Do they think this is too weird?”, “He said it was interesting, but he didn’t say it was VERY interesting.”
Why am I taking this risk and exposing all of me?
Because I have to empty my mind if I am to learn something new.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Countdown to The Superman Effect- 34 Days
My co-worker’s nephew is in an intensive care unit. He has developed a blood infection two years after being diagnosed with cancer. After so many chemotherapy battles won, the outcome of this one feels uncertain. He is my age and also has three young daughters which makes me feel uniquely close to his plight. One of my assistant directors has received bad news about her health today. I don’t have the details but am concerned about her. My sister’s father in law who was pronounced dead two weeks ago is in hospice care. No one expects it will be long. My wife’s grandfather is only ingesting Ensure. No solid foods. At 94, his days are not many. My co-worker’s dad received news that there is no sign of brain activity in the area where there is atrophy. She is reaching out to me and I can't stop thinking about her daddy. Who do I focus on? How can I help? I feel like today is the first day of a nine day journey to help those close to me through prayer. I can’t write about leaving the university right now. I am overwhelmed by the request for prayers and even with all the “proof” through spirit communication, at this moment, I have no idea how I can help. I can’t manipulate or force a mystical experience. Believe me, I have tried. I don’t choose the timing either.
A few years ago, I was in a similar state. One in which I found myself being drawn to an intense period of prayer for nine days straight. I know I have said this before but it begs being mentioned once more: Except for these past 30 days of daily writing, I typically find it hard to do anything consistently. Prayers are usually attempted while lying in bed and last as long as it takes for me to reach REM a few minutes later. So the idea of heading to the basement for two hours of silence is foreign to me as well. Yet, when it happens, I am given the energy and desire to accomplish this task with ease.
I had no idea why I was called to another nine-day period of prayer and for who just a couple of months after the one for my wife's mother. I guess I did not need to know. On the eighth day, I received an email from a friend that a mutual friend of ours, who was battling a kidney disorder at the age of 90, was receiving final visitors. He was home with his newlywed and two daughters to pass in peace. I immediately felt the all too familiar energy course through my body. I knew in that instant that he was the object of my prayers and that I was going to see him soon.
He was a special man. We were neighbors in a cohousing community in Denver and shared countless nights of philosophy and religion chats. You see, in his earlier days he was a CU-Boulder philosophy professor and had a great deal to teach a young lad. Every time there was a community meal, we would find each other and block everyone else out. I would visit him in his little yellow house and he would make me tea. So much to learn, so little time.
On the ninth day, I told my wife that I wanted to visit him and say my goodbyes. I told her that I believed he is expecting me even though he was no longer conscious. At 5:15pm, my wife came by with the kids to the university and picked me up. She drove to the back parking lot of the cohousing community. “Why don’t you wait here, I won’t be long” I said. She was not interested in seeing nor having the two girls see a dying man. I was. I got to the front door and saw a sign that said: “No visitors tonight.” I froze. I did not want to leave. I had to see him. Should I knock? No, it says no visitors. I just stood there waiting for some movement in the house. Finally, his wife saw me peeking through the window and smiled. She opened the door. “Dennis, please come in” “Are you sure?” I said. “The sign said no visitors.” “Yes, you can come in. He does not have long.” I went into their bedroom and asked her if I can have a few minutes alone with him. She said yes and closed the door. He was breathing very heavily and although his eyes were open, he was no longer present in this realm. I put my left hand over his and my right hand on his chest. He started to writhe and moan. I then said to him: “Don’t be afraid. It’s time to let go. I love you.” His struggle stopped and his breathing became slightly calmer. I then left, said a few inadequate words to his wife and daughters and went to join my own. The next day I opened an email that said he had died at 6pm. 30 minutes after my visit.
I now feel I am entering a similar period and again do not know who it’s for.
I asked my wife if it would be appropriate to stop writing for the next nine days while I deal with whatever is happening. Her response was absolutely not. “Write from your heart and write for you.” I will.
A few years ago, I was in a similar state. One in which I found myself being drawn to an intense period of prayer for nine days straight. I know I have said this before but it begs being mentioned once more: Except for these past 30 days of daily writing, I typically find it hard to do anything consistently. Prayers are usually attempted while lying in bed and last as long as it takes for me to reach REM a few minutes later. So the idea of heading to the basement for two hours of silence is foreign to me as well. Yet, when it happens, I am given the energy and desire to accomplish this task with ease.
I had no idea why I was called to another nine-day period of prayer and for who just a couple of months after the one for my wife's mother. I guess I did not need to know. On the eighth day, I received an email from a friend that a mutual friend of ours, who was battling a kidney disorder at the age of 90, was receiving final visitors. He was home with his newlywed and two daughters to pass in peace. I immediately felt the all too familiar energy course through my body. I knew in that instant that he was the object of my prayers and that I was going to see him soon.
He was a special man. We were neighbors in a cohousing community in Denver and shared countless nights of philosophy and religion chats. You see, in his earlier days he was a CU-Boulder philosophy professor and had a great deal to teach a young lad. Every time there was a community meal, we would find each other and block everyone else out. I would visit him in his little yellow house and he would make me tea. So much to learn, so little time.
On the ninth day, I told my wife that I wanted to visit him and say my goodbyes. I told her that I believed he is expecting me even though he was no longer conscious. At 5:15pm, my wife came by with the kids to the university and picked me up. She drove to the back parking lot of the cohousing community. “Why don’t you wait here, I won’t be long” I said. She was not interested in seeing nor having the two girls see a dying man. I was. I got to the front door and saw a sign that said: “No visitors tonight.” I froze. I did not want to leave. I had to see him. Should I knock? No, it says no visitors. I just stood there waiting for some movement in the house. Finally, his wife saw me peeking through the window and smiled. She opened the door. “Dennis, please come in” “Are you sure?” I said. “The sign said no visitors.” “Yes, you can come in. He does not have long.” I went into their bedroom and asked her if I can have a few minutes alone with him. She said yes and closed the door. He was breathing very heavily and although his eyes were open, he was no longer present in this realm. I put my left hand over his and my right hand on his chest. He started to writhe and moan. I then said to him: “Don’t be afraid. It’s time to let go. I love you.” His struggle stopped and his breathing became slightly calmer. I then left, said a few inadequate words to his wife and daughters and went to join my own. The next day I opened an email that said he had died at 6pm. 30 minutes after my visit.
I now feel I am entering a similar period and again do not know who it’s for.
I asked my wife if it would be appropriate to stop writing for the next nine days while I deal with whatever is happening. Her response was absolutely not. “Write from your heart and write for you.” I will.
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