Not a minute to reflect today. It is ironic that yesterday’s entry was about the need to let go at work so that I could make room for my new life and today was nothing short of insanity. Back to back meetings, the weirdest questions from my enrollment counselors, a crying international student begging to be admitted so that she is not deported to Moldavia (I looked it up, it’s in Romania), a 15-minute lunch break for a Griff’s hamburger and back in the saddle.
We have enormous goals for my last term at the university and many doubt whether we can pull it off. The MBA enrollments need a Christmas miracle or at the very least my undivided attention.
I know firsthand what it takes to complete an MBA as an adult learner. It was one of the most challenging times of my life. I had two daughters that greeted me every day like a rock star the moment I would get home. “Daddy’s home, Daddy’s home!!” Very rarely did I have the luxury of retreating to the basement without being disturbed. I didn’t mind. I was getting my MBA in International Business but I preferred to play with the children. I did not always have the energy for play or study, but I did the best I could. Some classes were downright hard. After all, I was an acting major with no prior business coursework. Statistics was near impossible and required help from above. I got an A-.
Then there was the capstone at the end of the program. It was a simulation of a global company that required one to integrate all they had learned in the program. You made executive decisions in strategic planning, marketing, supply chain management, finance, human resource allocation and defended your decisions every week in class. I was petrified for the first four weeks. Nothing was making sense and I had to face the prospect of admitting to NOT KNOWING. God help me!
I remember one day, I took the day off to work on my homework. I was walking home from the coffee shop after spending five hours on just one decision and I started to feel a panic attack coming my way. My thoughts were racing: “How can I possibly get through this class? How could I admit to my professor (who is also a faculty member that I consider a colleague and friend) that I can’t cut it? I can’t finish this class! I just can’t.”
Then suddenly, my mind just stopped in its tracks. I sat with it all and fully embraced what I was feeling at the moment. I remember having the sensation of complete silence, my thoughts just stopped and all I could do was smile. “So what if I can’t cut it?” “So what if I blow the presentation?” “So what if my professor loses respect for me?” “So what?”
I finished my homework and a few business concepts clicked that night. Not much, just a few. The next night was the presentation and you know what? I did fine. A few extra financial calculations clicked and by the next week, I was getting the hang of it. I understood. I realized, “I can do this” and I did.
My mother called me today to tell me she received the birthday gift I sent her. It was a photo album of my MBA graduation in May. She could not make it and I knew she would treasure the pictures more than I would. She was ecstatic. Completing the MBA with a full time management position and two young children was a great accomplishment. It pales in comparison however with the knowledge that my mother is happy because I sent her a photo album.
I told her a month ago that I was leaving my job to write a book. You know what her response was?
“Please send me the first copy.” I will.
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